By Yang Laidi I’m Yang Laidi, sixty-two years old this year. In 1985, because my husband had health problems, our […]
Learn Forgiveness: A Surprising Gain Brought by a Hard Knot – Spiritual Awakening
By Qin Ya
Qin Ya and Xiaorui have been close friends since high school. Qin Ya’s family lives in favorable conditions and she is the only daughter. Growing up in her parents’ tender love, Qin Ya has formed a domineering and open character, yet she treated Xiaorui wholeheartedly. During the three years in high school, they studied together, had meals together, went shopping together, and played together. Feeling happy, they laughed with each other; feeling sad, they cried with each other. And in the holidays, Qin Ya would invite Xiaorui to live in her house. They were just like peas and carrots. After high school, even though they weren’t at the same college, their friendship had never been affected. They chatted on QQ every day and hung out together during the holidays. Qin Ya treasured their friendship very much, and she believed that such friendship would never change in their whole life.
When Qin Ya and Xiaorui were about to graduate from college, they decided to apply to university, for they didn’t resign themselves to be associates. In order to achieve this goal, registered to attend test-preparation courses for university admission, and then moved to the student dormitory as the remedial school was far from their homes. Unexpectedly, something that Qin Ya had never thought about happened since then …
After living in the dormitory for a month, Qin Ya sensed that the relationship between her and Xiaorui was undergoing a subtle change. She found that Xiaorui treated other roommates better, which made her rather unhappy. Then she asked Xiaorui why she no longer treated her well as before, and told Xiaorui if it was because she had done something wrong, she would correct it. But Xiaorui said Qin Ya had thought too much, and that in her heart, Qin Ya was the most important person and also her best friend. Qin Ya was convinced, thinking maybe it was only that Xiaorui had paid much attention to studying and making friends with her new roommates and thus neglected her feelings.
However, what happened next proved that their friendship was indeed in trouble. Qin Ya noticed that Xiaorui had never told anyone that they were bosom friends; on the way to the canteen, Xiaorui always walked with other girls; when the roommates wanted to eat something but couldn’t be bothered to buy, Xiaorui would voluntarily go to buy it for them. What’s more, Xiaorui often bought snacks for them with her own money, and spoke what was in her heart to them instead of to Qin Ya, treating Qin Ya in a cold and indifferent manner. All of this made Qin Ya very distressed. Recalling every moment they spent together, Qin Ya couldn’t figure out what she had done wrong that reduced their friendship to such condition.
One day, Qin Ya learned on the phone that her mother had a little accident when driving. She was very anxious, and told Xiaorui this thing. But Xiaorui behaved as though she didn’t hear that. When Qin Ya just turned her back, she heard Xiaorui saying to another classmate happily, “I’ve figured out this problem!” Qin Ya was badly hurt, and she simply couldn’t accept it. Besides, Xiaorui felt the dormitory was too noisy and she couldn’t focus on study. So she applied to the teacher for a vacant dormitory. Qin Ya asked Xiaorui if she could move in with her, yet Xiaorui refused her politely. Later, however, Xiaorui invited a girl of another major to live with her.
Thinking of what had happened between her and Xiaorui, Qin Ya felt very distressed. She couldn’t understand why Xiaorui cared more about the roommates she had just met than about her, who had been her friend for five years. Filled with distress, anger, and loneliness, she said to Xiaorui angrily, “Since I’m no longer important to you, we should make a clean break.” Xiaorui stalled her off with an evasive answer, yet after that she still treated Qin Ya with a lukewarm attitude. At that time, a desire of revenge stole over Qin Ya. At that time, a desire of revenge stole over Qin Ya. She wanted to post on her WeChat Moments what Xiaorui had done to her, enabling those around them to know what kind of person Xiaorui was, so as to make her lose all her reputation. But on the other hand, her rationality told her she shouldn’t do that.
Troubled and tormented by this matter, Qin Ya found it impossible for her to concentrate on study.
After getting home on weekend, Qin Ya poured out all her sadness and confusion to her mother. Then her mother played her the musical Xiaozhen’s Story. Xiaozhen treated her friends with a true heart, only to be repaid with their betrayal because of money and interests. Watching the musical, Qin Ya felt it was like the story about her and Xiaorui. In the past five years, she had regarded Xiaorui as her best friend, giving her all her true heart. She had never expected that Xiaorui would ignore the friendship they had built for five years after going to the remedial school. Qin Ya couldn’t understand why the sincerity and affection between them were so fragile and vulnerable.
Then her mother told her, “We humans all have been corrupted by Satan. Through instilling into us the poisons like, ‘Everyone for himself and the devil take the hindmost,’ Satan made us become selfish and self-interested. As a result, we all live for our own benefit without exception. Our interpersonal relationships are also established on the basis of interests and there is no true affection at all. Even the relationship of best friends will easily change when money, fame, fortune, status, or future prospect are concerned. What happened between you and Xiaorui is just a typical example. When you two are attending courses before transferring to a university, there are many subjects you haven’t encountered. She will naturally communicate more with other students who can help her and neglect you. Consequently, the relationship between you two becomes ever more estranged. Then how about you yourself? Your desire for revenge also comes from your selfish nature. You think Xiaorui no longer treats you well like before and your feelings are hurt. To alleviate your pain, you choose to ignore your friendship. You see, both you and Xiaorui have been corrupted by Satan, so you are no better than she. Actually, there is no true love among people, and only God loves man most. Only when you come before God, accept His word as your life, distinguish people and situations by, and treat people according to God’s requirement, can you let go of your hatred and get rid of such suffering like Xiaozhen, who finally received the true comfort and happiness after returning before God.” Qin Ya felt her mother’s fellowship quite reasonable. Then she returned to the remedial school with the book of God’s word.
But when meeting Xiaorui at school, Qin Ya still felt it hard to calm down and still had the desire to take revenge on her. Then she recalled her mother’s words: “Only God can help you out of the suffering and hatred.” So she prayed to God silently in her heart, “Oh God, I’m so distressed. Every time I see Xiaorui, I get so angry and want to get back at her. I don’t know what to do. May You lead me to put this matter aside.”
One night, Qin Ya saw these words: “Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?said to him, I say not to you, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:21-22).
“The purpose achieved by the number in this expression is to allow people to understand the God’s Work, God’s Disposition, and God Himself III”). Qin Ya was strongly shocked by the words of God. Even though she didn’t quite understand these words, she knew that learning forgiveness was God’s requirement of mankind. She felt it was a great spirit that one could come out of hatred and learn to forgive. Qin Ya came to know how she should treat Xiaorui. And she even felt that the hatred and suffering in her heart were relieved little by little. Gradually, Qin Ya found were exactly the direction she was moving in as well as the principle of her conduct, and that she was too much in need of God’s words.’ intention at the time that He said this. His intention was that people should forgive others—not once or twice, and not even seven times, but seventy times seven. What kind of idea is this ‘seventy times seven’? It is to get people to make forgiveness their own responsibility, something they must learn, and a way they must keep. Even though this was just an expression, it served as a crucial point. It helped people deeply appreciate what He meant and find the proper ways of practice and the principles and standards in practice. This expression helped people understand clearly and gave them an accurate concept that they should learn forgiveness—to forgive without conditions and without limitations, but with an attitude of tolerance and understanding for others” (“
After a period of time, Qin Ya got in touch with the Church ofand began to live the church life. In the church, she found that brothers and sisters didn’t need to cautiously maintain the relationship with each other by means of human effort. Instead, they all pursued to establish a normal relationship with God, pursued to be innocent, candid and honest, and loved one anther according to the requirement of God’s word. In her association with brothers and sisters, Qin Ya felt especially released and free without any depression or pain. She enjoyed such kind of life very much.
Later Qin Ya read a passage of God’s word: “Among all the people, matters, and things you can sense in this world, only God’s selflessness is real and concrete, because only God’s Work, God’s Disposition, and God Himself I”). After reading these words, Qin Ya came to understand that only God’s love for man is selfless and unadulterated, that man is so selfish that they have no true love for others but all take advantage of and cheat each other. She thought: The problem that God’s word has revealed exists in all men. But these days, I always measured Xiaorui against God’s words and have never examined myself. Reflecting on myself, isn’t my kindness to her impure and built on the basis of tradeoff?for you is unconditional and unblemished. Apart from God, anyone else’s so-called unselfishness is all fake, superficial, disingenuous; it has a purpose, certain intentions, carries a tradeoff, and cannot stand to be tested. You could even say that it is filthy, contemptible” (“
Then Qin Ya recalled: Before, no matter what I said or did, Xiaorui never opposed me but agreed with me all the time, which greatly satisfied my haughty and arrogant nature; while nowadays she no longer treats me that way. I feel distressed and even want to get back at her. This is not only because I have lost our friendship, but even more because I think she makes me lose my dignity and face and hurts my vanity. In addition, that I want to live with her is also in order to get her help in case I encounter any problems. … Aren’t these the intentions hidden in me when I associate with her? Turns out my doing the good things for her is also for the sake of my own interest. Then how is this any different from her shunning me for the sake of advantage? Like Xiaorui, I’m also a corrupt person. She is selfish, and so am I. Then what qualifies me to hate her? At this thought, the distress and hatred inside Qin Ya completely vanished. And she felt relieved and joyful deep in her heart.
After putting aside the hatred, Qin Ya appreciated that indeed only God’s word could change people. She couldn’t imagine how long such suffering and resentment would still haunt her without God’s word. More importantly, because of this matter, Qin Ya had accepted God’s work of the last days and received God’s salvation, which is something she has never dreamed of. This surprising gain is so precious!