Married life without romantic love is as bland as a cup of plain water. How can we find happiness in such a marriage? Please read this article to learn the protagonist’s experience.
Say Bye-bye to Thrillers
Many people are fascinated by fiction and inextricably trapped, and so did I. Since my youth, I had enjoyed reading love stories. Due to the influence of them, I often dreamt of one day finding the true love of my own. However, after my marriage, my husband cheated on me time and time again. In the end, we got divorced. Afterward, I was confused and empty, having no idea what to pursue after. Without a goal and direction in life, I filled the void in my heart by reading books. But I never wanted to read love stories again.
I Lit on Horror Fiction and Was Obsessed
Sometime, I came across horror fiction such as “Gui Chui Deng” (literally “Ghost Blows Out the Light”), “Grave Robbers’ Chronicles,” and so on. And I felt that love stories were less thrilling than horror fiction, so I enjoyed reading horror fiction, by which I numbed myself and filled the void deep within my heart. Gradually, I became increasingly obsessed with horror fiction, so much so that I sneaked peeks at them at work in the daytime, and after work I didn’t want to cook and only ate a steamed roll and drank some water, thinking that cooking would take up my time for horror fiction. Most of the time, even though I stayed up reading till three or four in the morning, yet I wasn’t sleepy at all, instead I was thrilled, and my brain was still wildly active. I was so absorbed in the fiction that I just wanted to read on without eating, drinking or doing anything. Especially when I read the most thrilling part, I was anxious in my heart as if I had been a member of the characters who were in danger, and also worried about the protagonist, and wondered whether the protagonist was out of danger and what happened next. The vicarious excitement made me feel excited and want more. As a result, I became more and more addicted to horror fiction.
Because I constantly stayed up late for reading and did not eat regularly, for a long time my head was dizzy and I felt as though I was going to fall on the ground at any time when walking. For this reason, I had to give up my job and rest at home. I realized it was because I was too addicted to horror fiction, but I could not stop myself from reading them. Besides, I got more and more cowardly. At night, I didn’t dare sleep with light off; if I did, I would think of the plot of horror fiction, and feel that there were monsters in the dark corners of my room or under my bed and they would show up and torture me fiercely. Despite knowing that I was scaring myself, I still felt creepy. After I put several nightlights in my room, I felt a little safer. However, it did not completely dispel the fear from my heart.
Being Inextricably Trapped
After remarrying, I had a baby so I had more housework to do. In addition, my baby cried more. Consequently, I had little time to read horror fiction, which resulted in my temper growing worse and worse. After a day’s work, my husband came home and wanted to talk to me. I ignored him. He asked me what happened to me. I said that our baby drove me to distraction. In fact, it upset me that my reading was disturbed. After a while, coming home from work, my husband only played with our baby, and we hardly talked with each other except that we needed to handle some matters.
My husband was at work all day and he only had supper at home. In spite of that, I was unwilling to waste my limited time for fiction on him. I often asked him to buy cooked food for supper or to cook it himself, and even asked him to change his clothes as little as possible. I didn’t want to do any housework, saying that looking after our crybaby left me exhausted. Completely obsessed by thrillers, I thought that nothing except reading was meaningful. Just when I read the most effective part of the novel, my baby cried, which made me very upset. Sometimes I even saw my husband and baby as a drag on my reading thrillers.
Sometimes, seeing I indulged in horror fiction every day and failed in my obligations to my husband and baby, I had a feeling of guilt in my heart, and hated that I clearly knew reading these fictitious stories was of no benefit to me but I was unable to control it. But I would think my life to be quite boring and feel empty if I did not read thrillers. They had become an important part of my life. Many times I determined that I would no longer read them and live a proper life and fulfill my responsibilities as a mother and wife. Yet I could not resist the temptation to read them, still being inextricably trapped, and struggling painfully.
Not Until God’s Words Woke Me Up Did I Know the Root of My Suffering
When my kid was two years old, I accepted God’s work of the last days. At that time, I still could not stop myself from reading novels on the mobile phone. But gradually when doing it, I felt guilty in my heart: Since I believe in God, I should read God’s words and seek to know the truth, and I should not read thrillers. However, as I enjoyed the vicarious thrill of reading thrillers, I was incapable of giving up reading them. Until one day, I saw God’s words, “When your stature is immature and you have no discernment, you may first take those evil trends in and see them as positive, as things that are very normal. … This is one way in which Satan poisons people so, tell Me, is Satan not evil? There really are all manner of ways in which Satan corrupts man.” “People are simple-minded and have no discernment, and they happen to like these things, they like strange things, exciting things and the extraordinary abilities of Satan. People seek these things … Once you have been influenced, these things enter your thoughts and become a kind of poison. You only need to fail to see through this poison and you will then be unable to give it up completely; if you are influenced by it for one day, you will be disturbed and controlled by it for that one day.”
From these words of God, I realized: When I was in pain, felt empty and couldn’t find the direction of life, I wanted to seek a means to numb myself and escape from real life, and it was at this time that Satan made use of me and afflicted me. Satan used my curiosity to instill the strange and nonhuman things into me, making me live in a virtual world and lose interest in the normal human life. As a wife and mother, I wasn’t willing to fulfill my responsibilities, thinking that I could not live without thrillers. It ruined me to such an extent that I lived a life of someone who was barely human. Turned out that because I had no truth, and was unable to distinguish between positive and negative things and couldn’t see clearly how Satan corrupted man, I liked the weird and exciting things, and thereby falling into Satan’s trap.
Since I was little, I had led a hard life but I had been very happy, outgoing and bold. In my early twenties, I lived in a mountainous district for some time, during which I occasionally went out for something in the evening. When walking on the mountain road alone, I could heard the shrill cry of some nameless birds but I did not feel scared at all. Since I read thrillers, nonhuman things about ghosts and monsters had occupied my mind. As a result, I became more and more cowardly. Initially, I did not dare sleep with light off at night. Later, on nights when my husband came home late from business, I waited for him with light on and didn’t dare sleep before he came back. And only when I slept on the side against the wall did I feel secure. Moreover, my temper grew worse and worse and I became impatient. Apart from the exciting horror fiction, everything in my life was dull to me. At that time, my heart was like a mirror—I knew that I ended up like this all because of reading thrillers. Nevertheless, I could not help but read them as if tempted by something in them. Though I tried to break free of them, I was powerless to do it, involuntarily living in the deception and bondage of Satan. It turned out: The root of my suffering was that horror fiction comes from Satan and is the “drug” Satan uses to corrupt man. It was Satan’s affliction that caused me to suffer so much.
Through Praying to God Many Times, I Began to Stay Away From Thrillers
Then I prayed to God for saving me from Satan’s affliction and for helping me give up reading horror fiction. After that, when I wanted to read them, I would consciously forsake myself, focus on reading God’s words and equipping myself with the truths, and live the church life more with brothers and sisters. However, not gaining the truth as my life, and having so small stature, sometimes I struggled and struggled and finally triumphed, but sometimes in the end followed Satan. I truly and really was unwilling to be fooled and tortured by Satan. Therefore, I prayed to God many times about my predicament, asking Him to protect me and curse the unclean things within me.
Thank God. Knowing that I was small in stature and didn’t have the power to overcome the temptation to read horror fiction, God cared for me and kept me. There was something wrong with my phone. I could not use it to access the internet. Strangely, the other functions of it were all normal. From then on, when I had a desire to read thrillers, I would right awayfor keeping my heart from moving away from Him and do my utmost to forsake my flesh and pay attention to reading God’s words, so that my heart could be possessed by positive things. Under God’s protection, I became less and less desirous of reading thrillers. And I actively bore the burdens of my responsibilities as a mother and wife. I did all the housework such as washing clothes, cooking, cleaning up the room and so on. When I wasn’t busy, I would take my kid for a walk or chat with my husband. He said happily I had changed.
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