Many people are fascinated by fiction and inextricably trapped, and so did I. Since my youth, I had enjoyed reading love stories. Due to the influence of them, I often dreamt of one day finding the true love of my own. However, after my marriage, my husband cheated on me time and time again. In the end, we got divorced. Afterward, I was confused and empty, having no idea what to pursue after. Without a goal and direction in life, I filled the void in my heart by reading books. But I never wanted to read love stories again.

I Lit on Horror Fiction and Was Obsessed

Sometime, I came across horror fiction such as “Gui Chui Deng” (literally “Ghost Blows Out the Light”), “Grave Robbers’ Chronicles,” and so on. And I felt that love stories were less thrilling than horror fiction, so I enjoyed reading horror fiction, by which I numbed myself and filled the void deep within my heart. Gradually, I became increasingly obsessed with horror fiction, so much so that I sneaked peeks at them at work in the daytime, and after work I didn’t want to cook and only ate a steamed roll and drank some water, thinking that cooking would take up my time for horror fiction. Most of the time, even though I stayed up reading till three or four in the morning, yet I wasn’t sleepy at all, instead I was thrilled, and my brain was still wildly active. I was so absorbed in the fiction that I just wanted to read on without eating, drinking or doing anything. Especially when I read the most thrilling part, I was anxious in my heart as if I had been a member of the characters who were in danger, and also worried about the protagonist, and wondered whether the protagonist was out of danger and what happened next. The vicarious excitement made me feel excited and want more. As a result, I became more and more addicted to horror fiction.

Because I constantly stayed up late for reading and did not eat regularly, for a long time my head was dizzy and I felt as though I was going to fall on the ground at any time when walking. For this reason, I had to give up my job and rest at home. I realized it was because I was too addicted to horror fiction, but I could not stop myself from reading them. Besides, I got more and more cowardly. At night, I didn’t dare sleep with light off; if I did, I would think of the plot of horror fiction, and feel that there were monsters in the dark corners of my room or under my bed and they would show up and torture me fiercely. Despite knowing that I was scaring myself, I still felt creepy. After I put several nightlights in my room, I felt a little safer. However, it did not completely dispel the fear from my heart.

Being Inextricably Trapped

After remarrying, I had a baby so I had more housework to do. In addition, my baby cried more. Consequently, I had little time to read horror fiction, which resulted in my temper growing worse and worse. After a day’s work, my husband came home and wanted to talk to me. I ignored him. He asked me what happened to me. I said that our baby drove me to distraction. In fact, it upset me that my reading was disturbed. After a while, coming home from work, my husband only played with our baby, and we hardly talked with each other except that we needed to handle some matters.

My husband was at work all day and he only had supper at home. In spite of that, I was unwilling to waste my limited time for fiction on him. I often asked him to buy cooked food for supper or to cook it himself, and even asked him to change his clothes as little as possible. I didn’t want to do any housework, saying that looking after our crybaby left me exhausted. Completely obsessed by thrillers, I thought that nothing except reading was meaningful. Just when I read the most effective part of the novel, my baby cried, which made me very upset. Sometimes I even saw my husband and baby as a drag on my reading thrillers.

Sometimes, seeing I indulged in horror fiction every day and failed in my obligations to my husband and baby, I had a feeling of guilt in my heart, and hated that I clearly knew reading these fictitious stories was of no benefit to me but I was unable to control it. But I would think my life to be quite boring and feel empty if I did not read thrillers. They had become an important part of my life. Many times I determined that I would no longer read them and live a proper life and fulfill my responsibilities as a mother and wife. Yet I could not resist the temptation to read them, still being inextricably trapped, and struggling painfully.

Not Until God’s Words Woke Me Up Did I Know the Root of My Suffering

When my kid was two years old, I accepted God’s work of the last days. At that time, I still could not stop myself from reading novels on the mobile phone. But gradually when doing it, I felt guilty in my heart: Since I believe in God, I should read God’s words and seek to know the truth, and I should not read thrillers. However, as I enjoyed the vicarious thrill of reading thrillers, I was incapable of giving up reading them. Until one day, I saw God’s words, “When your stature is immature and you have no discernment, you may first take those evil trends in and see them as positive, as things that are very normal. … This is one way in which Satan poisons people so, tell Me, is Satan not evil? There really are all manner of ways in which Satan corrupts man.” “People are simple-minded and have no discernment, and they happen to like these things, they like strange things, exciting things and the extraordinary abilities of Satan. … Once you have been influenced, these things enter your thoughts and become a kind of poison. You only need to fail to see through this poison and you will then be unable to give it up completely; if you are influenced by it for one day, you will be disturbed and controlled by it for that one day.”

From these words of God, I realized: When I was in pain, felt empty and couldn't find the direction of life, I wanted to seek a means to numb myself and escape from real life, and it was at this time that Satan made use of me and afflicted me. Satan used my curiosity to instill the strange and nonhuman things into me, making me live in a virtual world and lose interest in the normal human life. As a wife and mother, I wasn’t willing to fulfill my responsibilities, thinking that I could not live without thrillers. It ruined me to such an extent that I lived a life of someone who was barely human. Turned out that because I had no truth, and was unable to distinguish between positive and negative things and couldn’t see clearly how Satan corrupted man, I liked the weird and exciting things, and thereby falling into Satan’s trap.

Since I was little, I had led a hard life but I had been very happy, outgoing and bold. In my early twenties, I lived in a mountainous district for some time, during which I occasionally went out for something in the evening. When walking on the mountain road alone, I could hear the shrill cry of some nameless birds but I did not feel scared at all. Since I read thrillers, nonhuman things about ghosts and monsters had occupied my mind. As a result, I became more and more cowardly. Initially, I did not dare sleep with light off at night. Later, on nights when my husband came home late from business, I waited for him with light on and didn’t dare sleep before he came back. And only when I slept on the side against the wall did I feel secure. Moreover, my temper grew worse and worse and I became impatient. Apart from the exciting horror fiction, everything in my life was dull to me. At that time, my heart was like a mirror—I knew that I ended up like this all because of reading thrillers. Nevertheless, I could not help but read them as if tempted by something in them. Though I tried to break free of them, I was powerless to do it, involuntarily living in the deception and bondage of Satan. It turned out: The root of my suffering was that horror fiction comes from Satan and is the “drug” Satan uses to corrupt man. It was Satan’s affliction that caused me to suffer so much.

Through Praying to God Many Times, I Began to Stay Away From Thrillers

Then I prayed to God for saving me from Satan’s affliction and for helping me give up reading horror fiction. After that, when I wanted to read them, I would consciously forsake myself, focus on reading God’s words and equipping myself with the truths, and live the church life more with brothers and sisters. However, not gaining the truth as my life, and having so small stature, sometimes I struggled and struggled and finally triumphed, but sometimes in the end followed Satan. I truly and really was unwilling to be fooled and tortured by Satan. Therefore, I prayed to God many times about my predicament, asking Him to protect me and curse the unclean things within me.

Thank God. Knowing that I was small in stature and didn’t have the power to overcome the temptation to read horror fiction, God cared for me and kept me. There was something wrong with my phone. I could not use it to access the internet. Strangely, the other functions of it were all normal. From then on, when I had a desire to read thrillers, I would right away pray to God for keeping my heart from moving away from Him and do my utmost to forsake my flesh and pay attention to reading God’s words, so that my heart could be possessed by positive things. Under God’s protection, I became less and less desirous of reading thrillers. And I actively bore the burdens of my responsibilities as a mother and wife. I did all the housework such as washing clothes, cooking, cleaning up the room and so on. When I wasn’t busy, I would take my kid for a walk or chat with my husband. He said happily I had changed.

Tempted by Thrillers Again, I Fell Into Darkness

I thought that I had been able to overcome the temptation of thrillers. In actual fact, without the truth as my life, I was powerless to resist the temptation of negative things and was obsessed by thrillers again. One day, I organized some pictures of my son into a photo album on my mobile phone. On the following night, when I picked up my phone and was about to look at the photos of my son, a few words popped up on the screen. I clicked them without thinking and then I knew it was a piece of fiction. However, I had started reading unwittingly. After that, I was inextricably trapped again.

For a few days, my mind was totally occupied by fiction. When having meetings, I couldn’t help thinking of the plot of the fiction. On arriving home from the meeting, I first looked at my phone. I didn’t do the housework, nor did I pray in the morning or evening. Gradually, I didn’t live the proper spiritual life and my heart was away from God, so that I lost my normal relationship with God. Thereupon, I fell into darkness. My situation was extremely bad and the previous feeling of fear welled up in my heart again. Not until then did I realize that I had unconsciously fallen for Satan’s scheme and fallen into its temptation. Filled with guilt, I at once kneeled on the floor and prayed to God and repented, asking Him to enlighten and guide me, so that I could truly see through Satan’s scheme, see clearly the serious consequence of being corrupted by it, hate and reject it and break free from its bondage.

Through Seeking the Truth, I Found a Way to Break Free From Horror Fiction

In my search, I saw God’s words, “The devil Satan does these things in order to tempt people and bring them to depravation. Those who live in the virtual world have no interest whatsoever in anything to do with the life of normal humanity; they are just not in the mood to work or study. Their only concern is going to the virtual world, as though they are being enticed by something.” “All the things that normal humanity shouldn’t have, the things that normal humanity doesn’t normally need, the things that normal humanity doesn’t possess—if you are determined to pursue these things, and are set on sampling them and experiencing them, then you may possibly bring on the work of another kind of spirit.”

From God’s words, I understood: Satan uses the “drug” thrillers to lure and afflict people, making us live in the virtual world. By this means, It makes us become increasingly depraved, to such an extent that we are obsessed with thrillers and not in the mood to do all the other things and eventually become useless people. Thinking back, I lit on horror fiction when I was at rock bottom. From then on, I was addicted to them enjoying the excitement and in this way I filled the void in my heart. If I didn’t read them, I would feel my life to be very dull and not know what to pursue after. I lived in a vicious circle—living in the virtual world became my escape from the difficulties in my life, which caused me to be unwilling to get back to the real world and face reality. Although I had believed in God, without the truth as my life I still couldn’t stop myself from reading horror fiction to enjoy the thrills and still wanted to indulge in the virtual world.

Photo credit: paul goyette on Best Running / CC BY-NC-SA

Meanwhile, through the revelation of God’s words, I realized that if I continued to be ensnared by Satan, unable to pull myself out and was set on enjoying the nonhuman things, I would surely be taken captive by the evil spirit sooner or later. I couldn’t help thinking of what had happened in my neighborhood just a few days ago: When a twelve-year-old boy was playing with the phone, his mother hurried him into eating. But he gave no response and still played with it. Then his mother nagged him. Unexpectedly, the boy ran out of their home without a word and jumped down from the 36th floor. In today’s society, everyone indulges in playing with phone, both adults and children. My son was only five years old. He would play computer games all day long if I gave him free rein. After work, my husband had his phone in his hand all the time, even when eating or using the bathroom. As it turns out, Satan not only uses fiction to afflict people but also uses all sorts of online games and new things available from phone to tempt us and to occupy our time and energy, thus making our heart away from God, and making us live in the imaginary world and detach ourselves from real life without the living out of normal humanity. Little by little, we will be corrupted into non-humans by Satan this way, and then utterly lose God’s care and protection. Satan uses these means to achieve its objective of afflicting and devouring people. If I had not come before God, and if God had not revealed how Satan fools, corrupts and finally devours people, I would have never seen clearly its meanness and evilness.

I also saw God’s words, “This evil world uses all manner of methods to attract people who have not seen through the world and the evil trends of humanity; these are particularly seductive to such people. If you cannot frequently come before God, and if your heart and mind are often blank, then you are at risk.” “Once you realize how scary and sickening these evil trends are, do you then have any discernment toward what Satan does? What should your attitude be? Should it be to abandon these things?” “People should implore God frequently so that they do not fall into temptation and succumb to Satan’s deceptions. In this evil time, in this age infested by devils, you should pray that God’s kindness and protection will be with you often, and that He looks after you and protects you, so that your heart does not leave Him and you strive to be able to worship Him honestly and with all your heart and spirit. Is it a right way to follow? (Yes, it is.)”

God’s words pointed out a right way for me to follow and made me have faith to break free from the control of Satan. I had to pay much attention to drawing near to God and always live before God and let my heart be possessed by positive things. And I must not leave my brain blank, give any chance to Satan or give myself any chance to be dissolute. Then the negative things inside me that belong to Satan will naturally disappear. Understanding these, I kneeled on the floor and prayed to God, “O God, may You give me faith and strength and protect my heart, and may You lead me to learn to rely on You and look up to You in everything, so that I can live according to Your words and stand witness for You and shame Satan. If I read thrillers again, may You discipline me. Please treat me according to my oath.”

Through a Real Battle with Satan, I Overcame the Addiction to Thrillers

In the following days, I focused on positive things, practicing pondering God’s words and entering into them, and keeping a normal relationship with God. Gradually, my situation improved a lot. After my situation was totally adjusted, my heart was released.

One Sunday, I played with my kid at home. After I got some photos of him, I started to look at my phone. At that time, a thought struck me, “I’ve not finished reading that novel yet. Why not search for it and continue reading? After finishing reading it, I’ll no longer read horror fiction.” Thank God for His guidance! Just when I wanted to search for that novel, I realized that Satan’s temptation befell me, and remembered the oath I swore to God. Then I hastened to repent in prayer to God and thought of God’s words, “Since you have already made resolutions to serve Me, I will not let you go. I am a God who hates evil, and I am a God who is jealous of humanity. Since you have already placed your words upon the altar, I will not tolerate your running off before My very eyes, nor will I tolerate your serving two masters. Did you think that you could have a second love after having placed your words upon My altar and before My eyes? How could I allow people to make a fool of Me in such a way?” Yeah, God’s disposition is holy and righteous. God is as good as His word, and His word shall be accomplished. He doesn’t allow us corrupt mankind to deceive Him in the slightest. I’ve made the oath in God’s presence that I will not read thrillers anymore. If I knowingly read it, isn’t this deceiving God? God’s disposition allows no offense. So what’s the nature of the problem of blatantly deceiving God? Thinking of these, I couldn’t help but emerge with a shred of reverence toward God and dared not read it. I put much effort into understanding God’s words every day. After a while, when the words horror fiction came to my mind, I no longer had a desire to read them. Gradually, my situation became better and better and the negative things inside me disappeared. I wasn’t afraid of the dark anymore and I slept well at night. Under God’s guidance, I successfully beat my addiction to thrillers.

After the experience, I’ve truly felt: If we do not come before God, we can only be led astray and poisoned by Satan being inextricably trapped in all kinds of trends. Despite that we know we shouldn’t indulge in evil trends, we cannot find the way of freeing ourselves from the enticement of them. Only if we come before God, accept His salvation and receive the supply of His word can we truly distinguish between positive and negative things and find the right way of breaking away from Satan’s affliction. Only if we follow God and worship God can we live out a truly meaningful and valuable life. In order to repay God’s love, I’m willing to do my utmost to cooperate with Him to fulfill my duty of a created being. Thanks be to God!

Extended Reading:

Get Rid of the Addiction to Fiction Reading