Testifying the Salvation: A 12-year Gambler’s Journey of Transformation

By Kai Qin, New Zealand

Every time I sing this hymn “If I Were Not Saved by God,” I thank God for His salvation with mixed feelings, and meanwhile, I can’t help but think of my former sorrows …

Unconsciously, I Fell Into the Trickery

lottery

In 2000, my husband and I moved to a county, and rented a small storefront and carried on our own business. However, because there were too many storefronts and competition between us was intense, our business was not very good. I often saw my business neighbors gambling at mahjong or poker in small huddles when they were free and bored, but I never joined them. Until one day, my neighbor Mr. Zeng won the lottery. He happily treated us to a meal, and shared with us his experience of winning the lottery with pride: “As for playing the lottery, such as the Two-Tone Ball lottery, the prize is at least 40 times the value of the ticket. You can make big profits with small capital. And even if you lose, you won’t suffer great losses. The most important thing we should do is to grab the chance. If fortune smiles on you, your road to wealth will be open….” As I heard him talking about the way to make money with gusto, I was more and more excited, with my heart being unable to rest. I thought: In this competitive society, it’s indeed difficult for me, who do business honestly, to earn lots of money and grow wealthy. If I play the lottery with him, with luck, I may receive a windfall. The popular proverb says, “A man without a windfall will never get rich just like a horse starved of hay at night will never put on weight.” Besides, I can also do business as usual. Isn’t it a good way to enrich my family fortunes? In this way, I was possessed and began to buy lottery tickets with Zeng.

I Indulged Myself in Gambling, Which Caused My Family’s Complaints and Resentment Against Me

At the beginning, I just wanted to have a try. To my surprise, I won 2,000 to 3,000 yuan in a month. Looking at these money, I was content and thought I could make more money in a shorter time by playing the lottery than by doing business. If things continued like this, in several years, we could afford not only our son’s school fees but also a house. The more I thought about it, the sweeter it became. I felt that the hope of having money was right there before me. Later, the more lottery tickets I bought, the more I was addicted to it, and the higher stakes I played for. When I won, I had more confidence in playing the lottery, and when I lost, I also continued, because I thought only by continuing buying did I have an opportunity to win. Even at meal times I would also learn information about playing the lottery. I always concerned myself with what winning numbers would be drawn in the next drawing, what numbers I should choose to win the prize, how much I should bet, and so on. And so, I was occupied with how to pick my lottery numbers, how much I should bet and what numbers I should bet on, having no interest in caring about other things. One day, my husband said to me: “You have lost half of the funding for our business. If you don’t stop, our business will stop instead. And then what can we do for a living? Many families were destroyed because of gambling….” But I was deaf to his words and thought I couldn’t lose all the time, and that I was pretty sure I could win someday. Regardless of my husband’s advice, I stubbornly insisted on buying lottery tickets…

So just like that, not long after, I lost all the funding for our business. After my husband knew that, he was so angry that he beat me, and wanted to divorce me because he felt I was heartless and cruel and didn’t love our family. Afterward, for my son’s sake, my husband didn’t do that, but our affection had fallen apart. He no longer spoke to me, and even my son looked at me in resentment. Facing this kind of life, I felt great pain as if a knife were piercing my heart. I wanted to stop, but once I thought I had lost so much money, I refused to give up in my heart. I thought: It’ll be impossible to win my money back if I stop playing now. In any case I can’t save the kinship between my family and me. I may as well struggle again regardless of everything; I maybe have a hope of getting the money back. In this way, I put all of my extra money into buying lottery tickets. Unexpectedly, I finally lost all my money. At that time, I felt completely disheartened. I wanted to cry but no tears came. I thought to myself: I have lost all our money, and moreover, our goods are out of stock now. What can we live on in the following days? How can I afford my son’s school fees?

When I was in great pain, I thought as long as I could borrow some money, I would be able to recoup my losses. Thinking of this, I made an excuse that I needed to afford my son’s school fees and then borrowed 2,000 yuan from my elder sister behind my husband’s back, and then I put it all into playing the lottery, but lost all again. At that moment, with my hands and feet trembling, I nearly fainted and even didn’t know how I returned home finally. Furthermore, I didn’t have courage to tell my family this thing. I could only hide it in my heart and sigh all day. I became taciturn and disconsolate. I couldn’t fall asleep all night long, and thinking of my failure in family and business, I was so pained that I preferred death to living. I often gazed at the sky with tears and said: “God! What should I do? Please show me a right path.”

When I Reached My End, God Saved Me

Book,read book

After a while, one of my clients, Sister Wang, came to preach the gospel of the kingdom of God to me and gave me a book of God’s words. After she left, I saw a paragraph of God’s words, “Mankind, who left the supply of life from the Almighty, does not know why they exist, and yet fears death. There is no support, no help, but mankind is still reluctant to close their eyes, braving it all, drags out an ignoble existence in this world in bodies without the consciousness of souls. You live like such, with no hope; he exists like such, with no aim. There is only the Holy One in the legend who will come to save those who moan in suffering and long desperately for His arrival. This belief cannot be realized so far in the people who are unconscious. However, the people still yearn for it so. The Almighty has mercy on these people who suffer deeply. At the same time, He is fed up with these people who have no consciousness, because He has to wait too long for the answer from humans. He desires to seek, seek your heart and your spirit. He wants to bring you food and water and to awaken you, so you are no longer thirsty, no longer hungry. When you are weary and when you begin to feel the desolation of this world, do not be perplexed, do not cry. Almighty God, the Watcher, will embrace your arrival any time. He is watching by your side, waiting for you to turn back. He is waiting for the day your memory suddenly recovers: becoming conscious of the fact that you came from God, somehow and somewhere once lost, falling unconscious on the roadside, and then, unknowingly having a father. You further realize that the Almighty has been watching there, awaiting your return all along.” God’s words deeply touched my heart, as if God was talking to me face to face and told me that He was watching by my side all the time, that He was waiting for me to suddenly awake and turn back to Him, and that He would save me from the abyss of misery and take me back to His family. Now I was living in pain, and lost the direction and goal of life. I didn’t know how to walk the following way, and moreover, I didn’t know what I could do except buying lottery tickets. God’s sincere calls let my heart which had been lonely and afflicted for a long time enjoy His love and warmth. My tears kept running down my face …

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