I Finally Have a Warm Family
Xu Ning Japan
One afternoon in the early spring, I was reviewing lessons alone in my bedroom, while my mother was cleaning in the living room. After a while, my grandmother and uncle came in. I thought they just dropped in on us, so I said hello to them and then went on with my revision. Afterward, my mother led them to the study.
A few moments later, the arguments between my mother and my grandmother came to my ears. When hearing my mother shouted the word “divorce,” My heart gave a great throb. Divorce? Aren’t they getting on very well? Why does my mother want a divorce? What’s going on? Later on, their voices trailed off. But from that day on, I found everything changed. My father went home less and less, while my mother’s smile disappeared from her face.
It wasn’t until later that I learned my father had an affair. Upon hearing that, I realized that my family was going to break apart. My father cheated on my mother. I couldn’t imagine how much pain my mother was suffering, yet I had no idea what I was supposed to do. Soon our relatives also got to know my father’s extramarital affair, and they began to talk about it. Some persuaded my parents to be reconciled with each other, while some just advised them to get divorced. And I, in order to escape all of this, chose to go to boarding school after graduation from middle school, unwilling to live at home anymore.
Once, I went back home for vacation, so the three of us finally got a chance to have dinner together. But at table, my parents had a bitter quarrel about just one word of disagreement. I felt my family was really going to be broken. I could not be more distressed. So I threw my chopsticks aside, rushed into my bedroom, and started crying bitterly. No matter how my mother knocked on my door, and no matter what she said to me, I just refused to open the door and would not listen to her. For right then, my heart was filled with nothing but anger. I hated the woman who was having an affair with my father. It was she who ruined my family. She was utterly detestable! Later on, I got the woman’s phone number in my father’s company address book, and then called her. When I got through, I cried and shouted angrily, “You! Break up with my dad! Right now!” To my surprise, she replied in tears, “I have had two abortions just to avoid breaking your family. And if not for your father, I wouldn’t have got divorced….” Her words left me angry and astonished, as I could not believe that she should have had two abortions. At that moment, I was bewildered, not knowing who was to blame for all of this. Then I called my father and asked him to dump the woman. But he answered, “You’re still too young to understand. Feelings cannot be controlled. I hope you could be strong….” Hearing this, I felt it ridiculous and pathetic: You can’t control your feelings? Nor responsibilities? You two have mercilessly ruined two families, what right do you have to ask me to be strong? Do you think you can just shirk your responsibilities with the words “Feelings cannot be controlled”?
Since their last argument, there began a cold war between my parents. My mother asked to sleep with me in my room, and I didn’t ask why. Nevertheless, once I cautiously pushed my father’s door, only to find it was locked. I was very angry and disappointed, thinking that he was ever more estranged with my mother and me. As time passed, my parents still didn’t make it up, and I no longer expected them to get back together. Gradually, I became increasingly withdrawn. Later my mother left for Europe, and refused to come back.
One evening after my mother’s departure, I was going to bed, when my father came back drunk from outside. As soon as he came in, he hurried to the bathroom and threw up. At the sight of his distress, I could not but feel so bad, and then I helped him up and go to the bed. He kept saying in tears, “Sweetie, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean that. I’m also tired. I’m Sorry! Sorry! …” It broke my heart to hear these words, and the long-standing depression in my heart was suddenly released. I burst out crying and yelled, “What’s the point of saying sorry? If you really feel sorry, then why did you do that?” Afterward, I went to the kitchen and prepared a bow of porridge for him. When I gave it to him, he was still repeating “Sorry.” I really could not understand: Why is my father so painful? And why did he do that even when he knew it was wrong?
Later, I went to my aunt’s house and lived there for some time. During that period, I saw their whole family chatting together and cooking together every day, and I was really envious of them. Even when I saw my cousin behaved badly and got scolded by my aunt, I would also feel envious. She had her parents to keep her company and care for her, and owned a perfect family. Yet that was all I had lost. I hated my father, hated that woman. If it hadn’t been for their betrayal, I would never have lost my warm family, my parents’ companionship and care, or the joy that I deserved at my age. I became increasingly reluctant to talk, and just wanted to shut out any people.
In my second year in high school, my father sent me to study in Japan. Not long after arriving here, I came into contact with brothers and sisters of the Church of, and started to have meetings with them. (I once had contact with while in middle school, but I didn’t attend gatherings due to the CCP government’s persecution of the CAG.) Through my interactions with the brothers and sisters, I saw that they were kind, full of love, and they spoke and acted very sincerely. I felt released and joyful to stay with them. Since I was busy with my study, I merely thought it good to believe in God and felt delightful to have meetings with the brothers and sisters, but I wasn’t clear about God’s salvation.
In August, 2016, our school broke up, and I intended to return to China to visit my relatives. At that time, I thought my family must miss me very much after a year of separation. But, it was unexpected that everything at home had completely changed in a year. The woman had had a baby, who was already one year old, and my father was living with them. What was more intolerable to me was that, my aunt even tried to persuade me to accept the woman and her kid. It made me desperate, because among all the relatives, my aunt was the closest to me, and I had thought she was the one who loved me and knew me most. I had never imagined that she would be on the side of the woman. I remembered, before I was leaving for Japan, my relatives promised me that they wouldn’t receive that woman anyhow, and that they would exhort my parents to get back together. However, all was changed in only one year, and what I was faced with this day were all lies and deceit. At that time, regardless of whatever my aunt talked to me, I just refused to accept.
A few days later on one afternoon, the woman took her child to my home for dinner. All of my relations gathered around the baby carriage, and played with the baby in delight, leaving me sitting there alone. At that moment, I was really sad and desperate, feeling like I was abandoned by the world, and I didn’t want to be back home or even back to China. My father had had another woman and their child, while my mother had gone to Europe. Both of them had abandoned me; I was the unwanted one. I had nothing left now. Since then, I began to dawdle away my days, totally ignorant of the meaning and purpose of my life. I got addicted to the Internet, and indulged myself in online movies and novels, for that was the only way to distract me from the pain of losing my family.
When term started, I returned to Japan. And in a meeting, I told my brothers and sisters about all that happened to my home. Then Sister Linlin communicated with me, “Since mankind has been corrupted by Satan, the breakup of families and marriages is very common in modern society, and people have got used to that. A great number of people follow worldly trends, and indulge themselves in eating, drinking, and seeking pleasure, living in the evil of the flesh. They become selfish, greedy, and crafty, totally lacking in conscience, reason, integrity, and dignity. Therefore, there is no true love or happiness between people.says: ‘Born into such a filthy land, man has been severely blighted by society, he has been influenced by feudal ethics, and he has been taught at “institutes of higher learning.” The backward thinking, corrupt morality, mean view on life, despicable philosophy, utterly worthless existence, and depraved lifestyle and customs—all of these things have severely intruded upon man’s heart, and severely undermined and attacked his conscience. As a result, man is ever more distant from God, and ever more opposed to Him’ (‘To Have an Unchanged Disposition Is to Be in Enmity to God’). ‘Man’s entire life is lived under the domain of Satan, and there is not a single person who can free themselves from the influence of Satan on their own. All live in a filthy world, in corruption and emptiness, without the slightest meaning or value; they live such carefree lives for the flesh, for lust, and for Satan. There is not the slightest value to their existence’ (‘The Experiences of Peter: His Knowledge of Chastisement and Judgment’). Ever since we humans were corrupted by Satan, we have strayed further and further from God, and have no correct outlook on life and values, but just follow the dark and evil trends of the world and are unable to extricate ourselves from it. The tragedy and desolation of the world is caused by our failing to find the true God and living under the domain of Satan. Thus, the arch-criminal that leads to your parents’ divorce is Satan. As we have no truth and no discernment, we involuntarily accept the various evil viewpoints Satan instills into us through social trends. And gradually we no longer consider those things as evil or shameful, and we even follow the evil social trends, constantly subject to the deceit and affliction of Satan. Today, only if we come before Almighty God, can we get rid of the affliction of Satan and have a true life. God’s word is the truth, the way, and the life, and only His word can show us the direction of life.”
Through the sister’s fellowship, I finally understood: My father and the woman were fully aware that their love affair would ruin two families and cause them pain, but they still couldn’t help being together. This is because we corrupt humans have no truth, have no correct life purpose and life direction, and are doomed to be corrupted and ravaged by Satan and live in torment. If not forwhich tell me the truth, I would be still blaming fate and others and living in pain, deeming my father detestable, the woman shameless, and all my relations merciless and unworthy of trust, and thinking that all my suffering was due to them. In reality, all these are the torments of Satan, and are created by us not having the truth.
Afterward, my brothers and sisters read some more words of God to me. I remember these words of God: “When you are weary and when you begin to feel the desolation of this world, do not be perplexed, do not cry. Almighty God, the Watcher, will embrace your arrival any time. He is watching by your side, waiting for you to turn back. He is waiting for the day your memory suddenly recovers: becoming conscious of the fact that you came from God, somehow and somewhere once lost, falling unconscious on the roadside, and then, unknowingly having a ‘father.’ You further realize that the Almighty has been watching there, awaiting your return all along” (“The Sighing of the Almighty”). From these words, I gained a greater understanding offor me, which made me feel like I had come home. Even though I had lost the family where my father and mother lived together with me, I returned to the ’s side. I had found my support, and I was not alone, for wherever I was God was always by my side.
As I had meetings with my brothers and sisters more often and read more of God’s words, I understood the truth more and more. And in God’s words, I came to know the true meaning of life. I read God’s words saying: “Only if one knows God and has the truth does he live in the light; and only when his view of the world and his view of life change does he change fundamentally. When he has a life goal and comports himself according to the truth; when he absolutely submits to God and lives by God’s word; when he feels assured and brightened deep in his soul; when his heart is free of darkness; and when he lives completely freely and unrestrained in God’s presence—only then does he live a true human life and become a person possessing truth. Besides, all the truths you have are from God’s word and from God Himself. The Ruler of the entire universe and all things—God Most High—approves of you, as a real man living the true human life. What could be more meaningful than God’s approval? Such is a person who has the truth” (“How to Know Man’s Nature” in Records of Christ’s Talks). I really appreciated that God’s salvation was real and true. If not for God’s grace and mercy, I might have suffered from autism, or thought about suicide, or might still be inextricably addicted to the Internet. Now, I am aware that I come from God and should live for God. Never should I live in my own little world, much less be addicted to online movies or novels. For those things can only make me more and more degenerate. Today, the brothers and sisters treat me as their family member, and their bosom friend. I no longer feel lonely. I’m content with God and my brothers and sisters being there for me. In the past, I didn’t dare to tell my classmates or even my best roommates about what happened to my family, because they were unbelievers in God and would laugh at and even look down on me if they knew. In contrast, after knowing my experience, none of my brothers and sisters laughed at me, but instead, they helped me and encouraged me. I’m grateful to God for saving me and giving me such a big warm family.
By reading Almighty God’s word and fellowshiping with my brothers and sisters, I have known the actual truth of we humans’ having been corrupted by Satan, and I am willing to accept the misfortunes in my family. I no longer hate the woman and the little sister, or my father. Now I have grown up and become sensible. Though my parents are not by my side, I have gained experience, and learned to be independent and responsible earlier than my peers who live with their parents. I don’t want the little sister to get hurt or suffer the pain caused by a broken family like me in the future, because she is innocent, and deserves to be accompanied and loved by my father. Now I’m living a happy life. I have been enrolled in my ideal university, and live the church life regularly with my brothers and sisters. In my campus life, I see many of my classmates date others, and some of them even get pregnant; while some others, in order to get good jobs after graduation, drink with the rich and accompany them to ballrooms, living a corrupted life. Thanks to God’s word, I can see clearly that all of this is evil and filthy. And with Almighty God’s words being my life principle I will never walk that way. I’m willing to rely on God, live before Him, and walk on the correct path of life. Even though my parents are not with me, I still can live well. Thank Almighty God for saving me from this world of evil and filth, and giving me a warm family.