By Yang Laidi I’m Yang Laidi, sixty-two years old this year. In 1985, because my husband had health problems, our […]
The Overcomers’ Testimonies “In the Devil’s Dark Prison, I Was Accompanied by God’s Love”
Yang Yi Jiangsu Province
I’m a in the Church of . I’ve followed Almighty God for more than ten years. In the years of my following God, what is the most unforgettable is the great tribulation of my being arrested by the vicious police of the CCP ten years ago. In that tribulation, I was greatly afflicted and trampled by the devils and my life was at stake and death was imminent many times, but Almighty God led and kept me with his mighty hand, so that I was brought back to life and got safely out of danger…. It made me truly taste the supernaturalness and greatness of God’s life power and gain the precious wealth of life God bestowed to me.
It was January 23, 2004 (Lunar January 2). A sister in the church badly needed help because of difficulty in life, so I must go and visit her. As the journey was long, I had to get up early or I couldn’t make a round trip. When it was just dawning, I went out. The pedestrians on the road were very few and there were only cleaners sweeping the garbage on the street. I was anxious, but no taxi could be seen in the street. So I walked to a stop at the roadside waiting for one. Seeing a car coming from afar, I went up and stopped it. Unexpectedly, it was a car from the Environmental Protection Bureau. The men in the car asked me what I stopped the car for. I said, “Sorry, I made a mistake.” They said, “We suspect you are one posting up illegal ads.” I asked, “Did you see that? Where’re the illegal ads I posted up?” Without allowing me to explain, the three of them rushed forward and forcibly searched my handbag. They took out everything including a copy of an article of fellowship and preaching, a notebook, a purse with cash in it, a mobile phone, a pager out of service, and so on, looking for the illegal ads. Then, they took the article of fellowship and preaching and the notebook and looked through them carefully. Seeing no illegal ads in my handbag, they held the article of fellowship and preaching and said to me, “You aren’t one posting up illegal ads, but you’re a believer in Almighty God.” Then, they phoned the National Security Team specially taking charge of religion. After a short time, four men from the National Security Team came. Seeing the things in my handbag, they immediately knew that I was a believer in Almighty God. Before I could explain, they stuffed me into the car and then locked the doors, for fear that I might jump off the car to escape.
After we got to the Public Security Bureau, the policemen took me into a room. One of them fiddled with the pager and the mobile phone searched out, wanting to get a clue from them. When he turned on the phone, it showed a low battery and then the battery went dead. He couldn’t turn it on anyway. So, he held the phone in hand anxiously. I also felt much puzzled: The phone has just been fully charged this morning; how come the battery is dead now? Suddenly, I realized that God was manipulating everything miraculously to stop the policeman from getting information about other brothers and sisters. At the same time, I understood , “…anything, living or dead, will move, change, renew, and disappear according to God’s thoughts. This is the way God rules over all things.” (from “God Is the Source of Man’s Life” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) I had some true knowledge about God’s ruling over and manipulating everything and had more faith in the following cooperation. Then, pointing at the things in my handbag, a vicious policeman asked me harshly, “Judging from your things, you’re not an ordinary believer. You must be a leader, a senior leader, for a junior leader doesn’t have a pager or a cell phone. Am I right?” I answered, “I don’t understand what you are saying.” He roared, “You’re pretending not to understand!” And he ordered me to speak while squatting. Seeing that I didn’t confess to what they said, they gathered around and punched and kicked me to hell. I was beaten black and blue, aching unbearably all over, and then collapsed on the floor. I was very indignant and very much wanted to reason and argue with them, “What law have I broken? Why do you beat me like this?” But then I thought that I had no way to reason with them, because the CCP government was simply unreasonable. I was at a loss, but I was unwilling to endure such cruel beating. Just when I was confused, I suddenly had a thought, “Since the CCP vicious policemen don’t listen to reason or allow me to speak sensible words, it’s unnecessary for me to speak anything to them. I’d better keep silent. Thus, they can’t do anything to me.” Thinking of that, I no longer responded to their questions.
Seeing that method didn’t subdue me, the vicious policemen got exasperated and gave full play to their brutish nature, and interrogated me by cruel tortures. They handcuffed me to a fixed iron chair, making me unable to squat down or stand up, put my hand that wasn’t handcuffed on the iron chair, and fiercely struck the back of my hand with the sole of a shoe until it became black and blue. A vicious policeman stomped on my toes and ground them back and forth with his leather shoe. At that time, I felt a sharp heart-piercing pain. After that, another six or seven vicious policemen took turns doing violence to me: One specially hit my joints and pinched them hard, with the result that one of my arms couldn’t lift up for over one month; another seized my hair and shook my head violently, and then pulled it backward hard and let me look at the above, saying venomously, “Open your eyes wide and see whether there is God in heaven!” They tortured me until night. As they really couldn’t get anything from the interrogation and it was in the Spring Festival, they directly sent me to the detention house.
As soon as I arrived at the detention house, an evil guard ordered a female prisoner to strip off all my clothes and throw them into a garbage can, and then they had me put on a suit of dirty and smelly prison clothes. The prison guard took me into the cell and spread rumors to the prisoners there and framed me, saying, “She specially breaks others’ families. Many families have been broken up by her. She’s a cheat, specially cheating honest people and disturbing the social order….” A prisoner asked, “Why do I see that she looks like a fool?” The guard said, “She’s pretending to be a fool. She wants to escape legal punishment. Which one of you has this intelligence? Whoever says she’s foolish is the No.1 fool.” Deceived by the evil guard in this way, all the prisoners said that I was punished too lightly and that such a bad person like me deserved to be shot! Hearing those words, I was very indignant, but had no choice, because all my resistance would be in vain and could only bring me more tortures and afflictions. There, the guards required the prisoners to recite the prison regulations every day: Plead guilty and be subject to the law; do not incite others to commit crimes, do not form cliques, do not fight, do not bully or insult others, do not fabricate against or frame others, do not scramble for the food or grab others’ things, do not tease others, crack down on prison bullies, report him who violates the prison regulations to the officers and inspectors, do not hide the facts, and do not shield others’ crimes; the prison regulations must be humane administration…. But in fact, the prison guards took the lead to instigate the prisoners to torture me and let them tease me every day: In the weather that was eight or nine degrees below zero, they wet my shoes with water; they secretly added unboiled water into my meals; when I slept at night, they soaked my winter coat in water; they made me sleep beside the toilet, and often pulled my quilt off and grabbed my hair at midnight, not allowing me to sleep; they snatched my steamed buns, forced me to clean the toilet, poured their leftover medicine into my mouth by force, and didn’t allow me to use the toilet…. If I had a slight disobedience, they would join together to beat me. Often at such times, the officer or the inspector would hurriedly turn away or pretend to see nothing, and sometimes they would even stay afar watching the fun. If the prisoners didn’t torture me in a few days, the officer and the inspector would question them, “That silly girl became smart these days, didn’t she? I find you become foolish instead. If anyone makes the silly girl smart, she will get a commuted sentence.” Facing the prison guards’ inhuman torment, I was full of hatred in my heart. If I didn’t see or experience it personally today, I would never believe that the CCP government full of “kindness and justice” should be so dark, dreadful, and horrible, and I would never see its true face of practicing deception and being double-faced. Actually, the words it noisily advocates such as “serving the people and creating a civilized and harmonious society” are all lies to deceive and blind people, and are means and tricks by which it beautifies itself and deceives the public to win reputation. Then, I thought of God’s words, “It is no wonder that God is incarnated in an extremely hidden way. In such a dark society where devils are brutal and inhuman, how could the murderous king of devils allow the existence of the lovely, kind, and holy God? How could it clap its hands and cheer for God’s coming? This gang of lackeys! They requite evil for good and have long had no regard for God. They mistreat God in a most atrocious way, having no regard for God at all. They commit assaults and robberies, being entirely heartless and completely conscienceless, and lure the innocent mankind to be unconscious. The heirs of the ancient, the beloved leaders, and whatever are all the things of resisting God! They have disturbed the whole world into a dark and chaotic state! The freedom of religious belief, the legal rights and interests of citizens, and whatever are all the tricks to cover up its crimes!” (from “Work and Entering In (8)” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) Checking the facts against God’s words, I saw clearly the CCP government’s devilish substance of being dark and evil. In order to safeguard its dark ruling and firmly keep people under its control, it deceives and blinds people by every possible means. Outwardly, it carries the banner of the freedom of belief, but in secret it hunts, suppresses, persecutes, and slaughters believers in God everywhere, and even puts them to death. This devil is too crafty, ferocious, and reactionary! Is this freedom? Are these human rights? Aren’t they all tricks to deceive people? Living under its dark ruling, how could people see any hope or light? How could they freely believe in God and pursue the truth? At that time, I came to realize that God permitted such persecution and tribulation to come upon me, and through this he wanted me to see clearly the CCP government’s viciousness and atrocity, see clearly its devilish substance of hating the truth and being hostile to God, and see clearly that the “people’s police” who, greatly publicized and flattered by the CCP government, “punish evil and promote good and uphold justice,” are exactly the accomplices and lackeys carefully trained by it and a gang of executioners that are beasts in human form and kill people without blinking an eye. In order to abolish and destroy God’s work and force me to reject and betray God and thus yield to its despotic power, the CCP government tortured and afflicted me by every possible means. However, it never expected that the more it tortured me, the more I saw clearly its devilish face, and the more I hated and rejected it from my heart and thus had true thirst for and trust in God. Moreover, beaten cruelly by the vicious policemen, I unknowingly understood the true meaning of loving what God loves and hating what God hates, and knew what it means to rebel against satan and give the heart to God, knew what it means to be inhuman and brutal and what the influence of darkness is, and even more knew what it means to be sinister and malicious and what pretense and deception are. I thanked God very much for permitting me to experience such an environment, which made me discern between right and wrong and see clearly the right way of human life I should walk, and made my heart that had been long-blinded by satan finally awakened by . I felt that I was fortunate to experience that tribulation and trial and it was really so meaningful. It was indeed my special gain.
As that trick failed, the vicious policemen resorted to another scheme. They found a pastor in the Three-Self church who knew my identity to expose me. She said that I was a believer in Almighty God and once preached the to her but was rejected by her. She even coaxed me to betray God. Looking at this evil servant who had reported several brothers and sisters who preached the gospel and listening to all her lies of framing, slandering, and blaspheming God at that time, I was burning with anger. I really wanted to question her loudly, “Why are you so conscienceless and hostile to God? Why do you collude with the devils to persecute God’s chosen people after enjoying so much of God’s grace?” At that moment, I had inexpressible grief and distress within and also felt much remorseful and indebted. I really hated myself for not pursuing the truth hard in the past, only knowing to enjoy God’s grace and blessing all day long like an ignorant child, but not sensing the sufferings and humiliations God has undergone for saving us. Today in the devil’s den I felt that it was so difficult for God to work in such a filthy and corrupt country and the sufferings God underwent were so great! God indeed loves man with wounds and is doing the work of saving man while enduring man’s betrayal. I saw that what man’s betrayal brings to God is all hurt and suffering. No wonder God has said that men “will even change from a ‘good-hearted one’ of all smiles to a ferocious-looking butcher overnight, treating their benefactor of yesterday as their irreconcilable enemy for no reason. …” (from “God’s Work and Man’s Practice” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) Now, although I’ve fallen into the devil’s talons, I can’t betray God anyhow. Even if I have to suffer more severely, I’ll never be a Judas for an ignoble existence and never grieve or distress God. Due to the betrayal of that one in religion, the vicious policemen began to interrogate me by more severe tortures. However, she stood aside, saying, “You’re ungrateful and you deserve it. You don’t appreciate my kindness. It’s not too much to torture you to death!” Hearing her vicious words, I was very indignant in my heart. Meanwhile, I felt an unexplainable sadness, just wanting to cry. But I knew that I couldn’t cry. I prayed silently in my heart, “O God! I wish my heart can be gained by you. Although I can’t do anything for you now, I’m willing to bear an overcoming testimony for you before satan and this evil person and completely put them to shame, thereby comforting your heart. O God! May you keep my heart and make me become stronger. I’ll swallow my tears and never let them see. I should be glad for understanding the truth, because you have removed the scales from my eyes, so that I’ve gained discernment, seen clearly satan’s nature and substance of resisting and rebelling against you and demolishing and destroying your work, and seen in refining that your wise hands are manipulating everything. I’m willing to continue to cooperate with you until you triumph.” After praying, I had a strength of never giving up until I bore a good testimony for God. I knew it was what God gave me, and was God’s special keeping and moving for me. The vicious policemen wanted to use the evil person to make me betray God, but God is the wise God. With the contrast of the evil person on the negative side, I saw clearly corrupt mankind’s nature of betrayal, so that I had the resolution and faith to satisfy God. At the same time, I had some knowledge of God’s wise working and saw that God rules over and maneuvers all things to do service for perfecting his people. This is an ironclad fact that God defeats satan with wisdom.
Failing to get anything they wanted from me, the vicious policemen spared no manpower, material, and money to ask everywhere about the evidence to prove my belief in God. Three months had passed, but they still rushed about in vain. Finally, they played their trump card and found an expert at interrogation. It was heard that anyone who was arrested would confess after undergoing his three tactics. One day, four policemen came and said to me, “Today, we’ll change a new place for you.” Then, they pushed me into a police car for transporting prisoners, handcuffed my hands backward, and put a covering on my head. Seeing that situation, I thought they would take me outside and shoot me secretly, so I couldn’t but feel somewhat nervous in my heart. But then, I thought of a song I sang when I believed in , “From the first early churches, the followers of the Lord would pay a high price. Thousands of spiritual brothers and sisters died for the gospel, thereby gaining the eternal life. Be a martyr for the Lord. Be a martyr for the Lord. I have been ready to be a martyr for the Lord.” Today, I’ve finally understood this song. The followers of the Lord will pay a high price. I’m also ready to be a martyr for God. However, after I got into the car, I overheard their talks. It seemed that they would take me somewhere else for interrogation. “Oh! So they’re not going to shoot me. I was ready to be a martyr!” Just when I was thinking like that, for some reason the vicious policemen tightened the string of the covering on my head. After a while, I felt so bad that I almost suffocated. I couldn’t help thinking, “Are they really going to torture me to death?” Then, I remembered that in those days, Jesus’ disciples died for preaching the gospel. This time, I can’t be a coward, either. Even if I die, I won’t beg them to untie it, much less surrender to them. But I couldn’t control myself. Unconsciously, I fainted and fell on them. Seeing that, they hurriedly untied the covering. At that moment, I foamed at the mouth and then kept vomiting, as if my internal organs would be thrown up. I felt that my head was dizzy, my mind went blank, and my eyes couldn’t open. I had no strength all over as if I were paralyzed. There was always something sticky in my mouth that I couldn’t finish spitting out. I had been very weak; after being tormented like that, I felt that I was dying and might stop breathing at any time. In agony, I prayed to God, “O God! If you want me to bear a testimony of dying for you, I’m willing to obey you and satisfy you with death. I know that people who die in God’s name aren’t dead but asleep. I believe whatever you do is righteous. May you keep my heart so that I can obey your manipulation and arrangement.” I didn’t know how long had passed when the car drove to a hotel. At that time, I was limp all over and couldn’t open my eyes. I was carried into a totally-enclosed room. I heard many CCP lackeys around talking about me. They said that they saw Liu Hulan of the present age when seeing me, which opened their eyes, and that I was really something and tougher than Liu Hulan. Hearing those words, I was very excited in my heart and saw that Almighty God will surely win and satan is just under God’s feet! I uttered my thanks and praises to God due to the faith and obedience God gave me! At that moment, I forgot the pain and felt greatly gratified for God’s being glorified.
After a short time, the “expert at interrogation” mentioned by the vicious policemen came. As soon as he entered the room, he shouted, “Where’s the silly girl? Let me see her!” He came up to me and grabbed me, slapped my face right and left dozens of times, punched my chest and my back heavily several times, and then took off his leather shoe and slapped my face with it. After I was beaten by him like that, my feeling of being unable to completely throw up the things in my mouth and stomach was gone. My head didn’t feel so dizzy, my eyes could open, my paralyzed limbs regained the feeling gradually, and my body had strength again. Right after that, he fiercely seized my shoulders and leaned my back against the wall, ordering me to look at his face and answer his questions. Seeing that I didn’t answer him, he got exasperated, provoking me with the words of reviling, slandering, and blaspheming God and flirting with me by the most obscene and contemptible means. He also said ghastly, “I purposely use what your flesh and soul can’t bear to torture you, making you undergo the sufferings a normal person can’t endure, leaving you between death and life. In the end I’ll make you beg me to let you off. Then you’ll speak a sensible word that your destiny is not in God’s hand but in mine. If I let you die, you’ll die immediately. If I let you live, you’ll live. You have to suffer as I want you to. Even your Almighty God can’t save you. Only by begging us for help can you survive.” Facing those mean, shameless, and obscene gangsters, beasts, and devils, I really wanted to fight against them. Then, I thought of a hymn of life experience, “The heavens and the earth and all things were created by God; it’s natural and right for God to enjoy them. The king of devils occupies them shamelessly; satan is guilty of the most heinous crime. Thousands of spiritual brothers and sisters should rise.” (from “Running Toward the Bright Path” in Follow the Lamb and Sing New Songs) Did I rise? I even didn’t say anything to refute them but was tortured by them willfully like that. Wasn’t I too cowardly? I was full of anger within, feeling that I could hardly hold on. I wanted to shout, wanted to resist, and wanted to declare to them, “A man won’t beg a dog for mercy!” I thought that meant I had the sense of justice. However, the more I thought that way, the more I became darkened within. Unconsciously I had no words when praying, couldn’t remember any songs, and became turbid in my mind, not knowing what to do. Then I felt somewhat afraid. So I hurriedly quieted myself before God to examine and know myself. At that time, God’s words of judgment came upon me, “You do not adore Christ’s humbleness … you do not love Christ’s loveliness and Christ’s wisdom….” (from “Are You Truly a Believer in God?” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) “Acting according to your own will, can you have my likeness? Can you satisfy my heart? Are you a person who truly senses my will? Are you a person who truly touches my heart? Do you truly offer up and spend yourself for me? Have you pondered over all the words I speak?” (from “The Forty-ninth Piece of Word” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) Every word of judgment of God pierced my heart. Yes! I belittle Christ too much. What I adore is influence and power, not Christ’s humbleness, much less God’s wisdom of working in a hidden way. God uses his wisdom to defeat satan, and uses his humbleness and hiddenness to reveal satan’s true face and get the evidence to punish the wicked. However, I look on Christ’s work with satanic philosophy and always want to answer blows with blows, thinking that he who makes himself a sheep shall be eaten by the wolf. Why should we submit to the manipulation of the vicious policemen when encountering persecution? Must believers in God be bullied, oppressed, and choked with resentment? Because I’m arrogant by nature and unwilling to be humiliated, much less be bullied, I have no regard for Christ’s wise work and doesn’t regard Christ’s humbleness and hiddenness as precious, but instead think that only if I fight against them does it mean I have the sense of justice and have backbone and dignity. Little do I know that satan just wants to provoke me into resisting them and thereby force me to confess the fact of my believing in God so as to convict me. If I really fight against them by the flesh, won’t I have fallen into their scheme? I really thanked God for his chastising and judging me in a timely manner, so that I was kept in disobedience, saw through satan’s scheme, knew the satanic poisons in me, and had some knowledge of God’s being and God’s life substance of being humble and hidden. When facing the persecution, hunting, and slaughter of the CCP devil and the judgment, condemnation, slander, and rejection of the whole mankind, Christ endures them silently all the time. He does his work of salvation while enduring all sufferings, and never resists or complains. I saw that God’s disposition is so kind, so beautiful, and so honorable! However, in the face of the devil’s persecution, I, a filthy and corrupt person, want to resist, to safeguard my so-called dignity by the flesh, and to get justice for myself by my own will. Do I have any sense of justice by doing so? Do I have any backbone and dignity? Doesn’t it exactly expose my ugly satanic image? Isn’t it exactly the manifestation of my arrogant nature? Is there any truth in it? Thinking of that, I was full of remorse. I resolved to imitate Christ and was willing to obey this environment and cooperate with God actively, giving no opportunity to satan.
I calmed down, waiting silently to fight against the devil for the next round. As I refused to confess all the time, the so-called expert felt very embarrassed. He exasperatedly twisted one of my arms backward, pulled the other backward over my shoulder, and then handcuffed my two hands tightly. In less than half an hour, beads of sweat flowed down my cheeks and gathered into my eyes, so that I couldn’t open my eyes. Seeing that I still didn’t answer his questions, he knocked me down, and then dragged me up from the ground by pulling the handcuffs behind my back. Immediately, my arms ached grievously as if they were broken, and I almost breathed my last from the pain. And then he threw me against the wall and had me stand against the wall. Sweat blurred my eyes. I sweated all over from the pain, and even my shoes got wet. I, who had been very weak, was already in a state of prostration then and could only breathe with my mouth. The devil looked at me aside. I didn’t know what he had realized. Perhaps he was afraid that he would take the responsibility if I died, so he hurriedly pulled a handful of tissues to wipe my sweat, and brought a cup of pure water to feed me. Every less than half an hour, he fed me water and wiped my sweat once. I didn’t know what I was like at that time. I guessed that I must look terrible, because I could only breathe through my wide open mouth at that time. My nose seemed to have lost its respiratory function, my lips became dry and cracked, and I exerted all my strength to breathe. I felt death was approaching me once again and that this time I might really die. Right at that moment, the inspired me to remember the experience of Luke, one of Jesus’ disciples, who was hanged alive. I had strength again in my heart. So I told myself again and again, “Luke was hanged alive. I’ll be Luke. I’ll be Luke, be Luke…. God will refine man to the extent of being ‘at death’s door nine times.’ I’m too fragile and can’t bear the testimony of being at death’s door nine times. When I’m ‘at death’s door the third time,’ I may really die, yet I’m willing to obey God’s manipulation and arrangement and be faithful to God even unto death like Luke.” Just when I felt unbearably painful and was at my last gasp, I suddenly heard a vicious policeman say that some other brothers and sisters believing in Almighty God were arrested. I got a shiver in my heart: A few more brothers and sisters will be tortured cruelly; especially the brothers will undergo greater suffering. I worried so much and kept praying for them silently in my heart, asking God to keep them, so that they could bear the overcoming testimony before satan and would never betray God. I didn’t want any other brother or sister to undergo the same suffering as I did. It might be that the Holy Spirit moved me within, so I kept praying. The more I prayed, the more I was encouraged. Unknowingly, I forgot the sufferings I underwent. I deeply knew that it was out of God’s wise arrangement and that God cared for my weakness and led me to pull through the most painful time. That night, I already didn’t care how the vicious policemen treated me, and simply didn’t answer their questions. Seeing that, one of them punched my face heavily and looped the hair at my sideburns around his fingers and pulled it hard. My ears were swollen from their twisting, my face was distorted, my bottom and thighs were beaten blue by the thick board and the skin peeled, and my toes became black from their knocking with a wood board. The vicious policemen handcuffed me behind the back for six hours. When the handcuffs were unlocked, the muscles below my left thumb were torn, only with skin and bones left, and my wrists were covered with yellow blisters, so that I couldn’t wear handcuffs anymore. At that moment, a policewoman who seemed to be in some position came in. She looked me up and down, and then said to them, “She can’t be beaten anymore, or she will die soon.”
The vicious policemen locked me in a guest room, where the curtains were tightly closed 24 hours a day. They had their men guard at the door, and didn’t allow any service person to come in or let anyone else see the scenes of their torturing and afflicting me. They used “wheel combat” to interrogate me. For five days and nights, they didn’t allow me to sleep, sit, or squat, nor give me enough food to eat, but only let me stand against the wall. One day, an official came to interrogate me. Seeing that I turned a deaf ear to him, he flew into a rage. He kicked me under the table, and then pulled me out and gave me a punch, so that blood flowed from the corners of my mouth unceasingly. To cover up his savage act, he hurriedly closed the door and didn’t allow anyone in. Then, he pulled a mass of tissues to wipe my blood, poured water to wash the blood off my face, and mopped up the blood on the floor. I purposely left the blood on my white sweater. However, after I came back to the detention house, the vicious policemen said to the prisoners that the blood on my sweater was from my blood test in the mental hospital. And they also said that I stayed in the hospital in those several days, the wounds and blood on me were from those insane people’s beating, and they never beat me…. Those cruel facts made me see clearly that those “people’s police” are malicious and ruthless, sinister and cunning, and inhuman and brutal. And I also felt the helplessness and hopelessness after falling into their hands. At the same time, I deeply tasted God’s righteousness, holiness, brightness, and beauty and good and felt all that from God is love, keeping, inspiring, supplying, comforting, and sustaining. Every time when I was in great agony, God inspired and guided me constantly and gave me faith and strength, encouraging me to imitate the spirit of the saints of the past ages martyred for the Lord so that I had the courage to stand for the truth; when I was tortured within an inch of my life by the vicious policemen, God let me hear the news that other brothers and sisters were arrested, and thus greatly moved me to for them, so that I forgot my pain and overcame the bondage of death unknowingly. With satan’s evil and cruelty as the setoff on the negative side, I saw this: Only God is the truth, the way, and the life; only God is the symbol of the highest authority, the symbol of justice, and the symbol of being unable to be overpowered or attacked by any hostile force and darkness; only God rules over and manipulates everything, and he is leading me to overcome the attacks of those devils step by step and overcome the weakness of my flesh and the bondage of death with his great power and wisdom, so that I can tenaciously live in the dark den. While pondering God’s love and salvation, I was greatly encouraged. I resolved to fight against satan to the end and stand testimony to satisfy God even if I had to be imprisoned for life.
One day, many vicious policemen I had never seen came to see me and talked about me. I overheard the so-called expert at interrogation say, “Of all the cases I’ve handled, this silly girl is the one I beat the hardest. I handcuffed her behind the back for eight hours (In fact it was six hours. He wanted to show himself off for fear that his leader would consider him incompetent), but she still refused to tell anything.” I also heard a policewoman say, “How come you beat her so cruelly? You’re really merciless.” So, of all the arrested people, I’m the one tortured most severely. Why did I undergo so much suffering? Am I more corrupt than others? Is my suffering God’s punishment to me? Maybe there is so much corruption in me that I should be punished? Thinking of that, I couldn’t hold back my tears anymore. I knew I couldn’t cry and couldn’t let satan see my tears. If they saw, they’d think that I was defeated. However, I couldn’t help feeling wronged within, and my tears streamed out in spite of myself. In anxiety, I could only call to God, “O God! Now, I feel deeply wronged within and just want to cry. May you keep me, so that I won’t bow before satan. I can’t let them see my tears. I know I’m now in a wrong state, having requirements for and complaints against you, and I know that whatever you do is the best. But I’m too small in stature and too disobedient in disposition, and I’m unwilling to accept this fact and don’t know how I can come out of my wrong state. May you guide me so that I can obey your manipulation and arrangement and no longer misunderstand or complain against you.” In the prayer, a passage of God’s words came into my mind, “The bitter cup I drank you must drink ( this after his resurrection), and the way I walked you will have to walk. You shall lay down your life for me.” (from “The Course of Peter’s Knowing ‘Jesus’” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) My tears stopped immediately. The suffering Christ underwent is what no created being is able to suffer and bear. However, I feel wronged and complain that God is unrighteous due to a little suffering. Do I have any conscience and sense? How can I be worthy of being called a man? And then, I remembered God’s words, “…the corrupt things in man’s nature must be solved through trials. Where a person fails to overcome within, there he has to undergo some refinings. This is God’s arrangement. God arranges circumstances for you, impelling you to undergo refinings in them to know your corruptions….” (from “How to Satisfy God in Trials” in Christ’s Talks with Church Leaders and Workers) I examined myself while pondering God’s words. I came to understand that God’s arrangements are directed at my corruption and lack, and are just the need of my life. Because I was too deeply blinded and poisoned by the CCP government, in my heart I was always full of trust in it and relied on it. Even after I had seen some of its evil doings, I still didn’t change my opinion of it. Today, God arranges this special environment for me just to let me discern who God is and who satan is, who is saving me and who is corrupting me, and whom I should worship and whom I should curse. Hence I’ve seen the true light and the true God and known the difference between light and darkness. Without enough and severe sufferings, I wouldn’t have changed my knowledge and opinion of the CCP government or have real rejection and turning within. These sufferings are just God’s love for me and God’s special blessings for me. After understanding God’s will, I immediately felt brightened within and my misunderstanding about God was cleared up. I felt it was really so valuable and meaningful for me to suffer this today.
The vicious policemen exhausted their tricks but got no word from me. Finally they said with admiration, “The Communist Party is made of steel while believers in Almighty God are made of diamond. They are superior to the Communist Party in every aspect.” After hearing that, I couldn’t help shouting with joy to God and praising God within, “O God, I thank and praise you! Your almightiness and wisdom have overcome satan and defeated your enemies. You’re the highest authority. May all the glory be to you!” Only then did I see that the Communist Party is nothing and all the political powers in the world are nothing. All things in heaven and all things on earth should come under God’s dominion and have no choice. How much more should satan the devil, which is so small and is a setoff?
One day, the vicious policemen came to interrogate me again. That time, I found they all looked strange. They looked at me when talking, but instead of talking with me, they seemed to be discussing something. As always, that interrogation ended up in failure. After that, the vicious policemen sent me back to the cell. On my way back, I suddenly heard that they seemed to say that they would release me on the 1st of the next month. At that word, my heart leapt with excitement, “So, I’ll be freed in three days! I can get out of the devilish hell at last!” I tried hard to hide my joy inside. Minute by minute, I was expecting and waiting, feeling those three days were as long as three years. Finally, the day came! On that day, I paid attention to the door all the time, waiting for someone to call my name. The morning passed. Nothing happened. I held 100 percent of hope to get out in the afternoon. But still, nothing happened by the evening. When the dinner time came, I was in no mood for eating and just felt a sense of loss. At that time, my heart seemed to have suddenly fallen into hell from heaven. The officer asked other prisoners, “Why doesn’t she eat?” One prisoner answered, “She doesn’t eat much ever after the interrogation that day.” The officer said, “Go to feel her forehead, and see if she gets sick.” One of them came over to me and felt my forehead, saying that it felt hot and I was running a high fever. I was really running a high fever and got ill abruptly and seriously. I collapsed then. My fever increasingly went up, which happened within two hours. I cried! All people, including the officers, saw me cry. They were all surprised, because in their eyes, I was immune to both soft and hard tactics. Facing cruel tortures time after time, I didn’t shed any tears. After six hours of being handcuffed behind the back, I didn’t give a groan. But that day, I shed tears without any torture. They had no idea where my tears came from, but only thought I must be badly ill. Actually, only God and I knew the reason. It was because of my rebelliousness and disobedience. They were the tears I shed in despair when my expectation was unfulfilled and my hope was gone and were the tears of disobedience and grievance. At that time, I was no longer willing to make a resolution before God to bear testimony for God, much less did I have the courage to accept such a test. That night, I cried my eyes out, because I had gotten enough of the prison life. I hated those satans and devils bitterly, and even more hated staying in that devilish place even for a second. The more I thought, the more I felt distressed; the more I thought, the more I felt wronged, poor, and lonely especially. I felt I was just like a lonely boat in the ocean and would be devoured and drowned by it at any time. I even more felt those around me were so insidious and horrible, and that I would become a tool for them to vent their resentment at any time. I couldn’t help calling out, “O God! Please save me! Now I’ve been on the verge of collapse, and may betray you at any time. May you seize my heart, so that I can come back before you again. I beg you to have mercy on me once again to let me accept your manipulation and arrangement. Although I can’t see clearly your work on me, I know everything you do is good. May you save me once again, so that my heart can turn to you.” After the prayer, I was no longer afraid and began to quiet my heart to examine myself. Then, God’s words of judgment and disclosing came upon me, “Do you want the flesh or the truth? Do you want judgment or ease? Having experienced so many works and seen God’s holiness and righteousness, how should you pursue? How should you walk this path? How should you practice loving God? Have the chastisements and judgments produced results on you? Whether you have knowledge of chastisement and judgment is judged from your living out and from the extent of your loving God! You say with your mouth that you love God, but what you live out is your old corrupt disposition, and you do not have any fear of God, much less have a conscience. Is such a person one who loves God? Is such a person faithful to God? … Can such a person be a Peter? Are people like Peter ones who only have knowledge but do not have living out?” (from “Peter’s Experience—His Knowledge of Chastisement and Judgment” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) Like a sharp double-edged sword, every word of judgment of God hit my vital spot and made me feel sharply rebuked. Yes. So many times I promised faithfully before God that I would give up everything for the truth and endure all sufferings for the truth. However, today when God makes a requirement of me with the fact, asking me to suffer and pay the price practically to satisfy him, what I choose is not the truth or the life, but instead I keep feeling anxious, distressed, and worried about the interests and future of my flesh and simply have no element of belief in God. Then, how could I satisfy God’s will? What God wants is the clusters of fruits of my living out, not the carpets of flowers of a vacuous oath. But before God, I only have knowledge but no reality. I have neither faithfulness nor true love, much less any obedience. My living out is full of deceit, disobedience, and resistance. Am I not a person who betrays God? And a person who grieves God to the extreme? At that time, I thought that when the was arrested and nailed onto the cross, those who enjoyed his grace at ordinary times all forsook and left him. I couldn’t help feeling extremely remorseful in my heart. I hated myself for being disobedient and having no humanity. I’ll stand up again to fulfill my oath to God with my actual actions. I should no longer grieve God and be unworthy of God’s painstaking care and price on me even if I have to be imprisoned for life. I stopped crying and prayed to God silently in my heart, “O God, thank you for your inspiration and guidance. I have understood your will and seen that I’m too small in stature and have no love and obedience to you. O God! Now, I’m willing to offer up myself to you completely. Even if I have to spend all my life in prison, I’ll never yield to satan, and I’m only willing to satisfy you with my actual actions.”
After some time, another rumor said that I would be released in recent days. Because of my lesson last time, I became much more sensible and calm. Though I felt very excited in my heart, I was willing to come before God to pray and seek and no longer have my own choice, only hoping that God would keep me to obey all his manipulations and arrangements. Several days passed, and it turned out to be a vain hope again. Moreover, I heard the officer say that I would be imprisoned until death and that because I refused to tell my home address and name, they would imprison me forever. After hearing that, I felt very bad within. But I knew that was the suffering I should undergo. “God wants me to bear this testimony for him. I’m willing to obey God and comply with God’s will. I believe that all matters and all things are in God’s hand. This is God’s special grace and uplifting for me. In the past, although I said that I would rather ‘be imprisoned for life,’ yet it was only my will and expectation, and I had no such reality. Today, I’m willing to bear this testimony with my practical living out, so that God can gain comfort from me.” When I was full of hatred of satan and resolved to fight against it to the end and bear the true testimony of being imprisoned for life, I saw God’s almighty and wonderful deed. On December 6, 2005, the prison guards took me out of the detention house by car and left me to the street. From then on, my nearly two years of prison life was over.
In experiencing that great tribulation, although I suffered a little physically, I received a hundredfold or even a thousandfold. I gained insight and discernment and saw clearly that the CCP government is the embodiment of satan the devil and a gang of executioners that kill men without blinking an eye. At the same time, I also tasted God’s almightiness and wisdom and God’s righteousness and holiness, and experienced God’s thoughtful kind intention in saving me and God’s keeping and care for me, which made me overcome satan step by step and stand testimony in its afflictions. From now on, I’m willing to commit my everything to God completely and follow God resolutely to be gained by God soon.