I Have Found the Way to Be Purified
Zhuiqiu United States
Love of the Lord Came Upon Me in My Bottom-of-the-well Moment
Because my husband died so early, I was deep in debt. Out of the stress of life, I brought my children to America for work in early December 1998. In order to earn money to pay the debts, I didn’t even spare a moment to have a rest. As time passed by, my health broke down and I suffered uterine fibroid and hypertension and had to stay in the hospital for treatment. After the operation, I went to hunt job hurriedly before I recovered well. However, no matter which unit I went to, they did not hire me when they noticed my pale face. Just then, I felt the pressure was so great and did not have any reliance.
Two days before Easter Day in 2011, when I was walking in the Chinatown helplessly, I saw somebody preaching Falun Gong and I stopped to take a look. At that time, all of a sudden, a sister went up to me and said: “Don’t believe in Falun Gong. Go to the church to believe in, please.” Hearing the name of Jesus, I felt it very fresh. Then she told me many deeds about Jesus. Later, she took me to Kangzhou to attend a spiritual meeting, which lasted for three days and three nights. During the meeting, the pastor told us many stories, which I enjoyed very much. Especially, when hearing the verse that the pastor explained: “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have everlasting life” (John 3:16), I was attracted deeply by it and pondered it over and over again. I felt that God loves man so greatly and even gave his beloved Son to us. The was nailed on the cross as a sin offering and shed His last drop of blood. He did so in order that He could save man from the clutches of Satan, and make man not die under the law due to their sins. What’s more, He wished man to be saved and get everlasting life by the grace of Jesus’ precious blood. The love of the Lord is really too great and nobody possesses it. I made certain in my heart that the Lord Jesus is the true God and determined to follow Him faithfully. Because the Lord Jesus entered my life, I had reliance from then on.
Committing Sins and Making Confession Cause Trouble in My Heart
My landlord was a believer in the Lord as well and she often said: “As long as we believe in the Lord, we can be saved.” But her behaviors made me doubt it. I saw that she committed no big sins but small ones ceaselessly. Every day she committed sins in the day and made confession at night. From her, I learned that the pastors in her church had jealous disputes with each other. When I heard that, I thought: Why do the pastors have jealous disputes? Aren’t they the same as the unbelievers? It is too easy if we can be saved after believing in the Lord like this.
Gradually, I found that I myself was just like them. Although I read the Bible every day, I lived in sin without any change at all, producing contradictions with the landlord very often. Because she always found faults with me, complaining that I used too much water and electricity. I said nothing to her outwardly, but my complaints within came out in spite of myself. Then I thought the Bible says: “Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord” (Hebrews 12:14). The Lord required us to follow peace with all men and pursue to be clean. Although I didn’t reason with the landlord outwardly, I harbored many complaints in my heart. The Bible says: “Whoever hates his brother is a murderer” (1 John 3:15). Then can I be said to be clean while always acting like this? How can I gain the Lord Jesus’ approval? What should I do on earth to attain sanctity? I was always troubled by the problem in my heart and didn’t know how to solve the problem of my making sins, for which I had been praying to and seeking the Lord.
God’s Love Came Upon Me When I Was Alone Without Reliance
At the end of 2012, I went to another city to run a laundry, so I couldn’t go to the former church for meetings (not in the same state). I could only spare some time to go to the church nearby occasionally. However, I felt that I could not gain anything at every gathering. The pastor always gave us some repeated sermons or showed himself off simply. So not only did I not find the way to solve sinning, but also I became more and more negative. With the lapse of time, I didn’t want to attend meetings any more, and just read the Bible at home. It lasted until September 2016, when I had a sudden desire in my heart that I could see the sisters in the church. If only I could find a church in which I could enjoy listening to sermons!
Two weeks later, a stranger, Sister Liang suddenly came to my laundry, saying to me: “Sister, I heard that you are a believer in the Lord. I’m a, too. We can have meetings together and talk about our experiences with each other.” The moment I heard what she said, I agreed to her at once happily and thanked God repeatedly in my heart, feeling God is too wondrous. For during that time, I was expecting to see sisters. Unexpectedly, two weeks later, a sister came to see me. The sister told me it was due to the Lord’s love and arrangement that she could come to see me. Hearing her words, I felt very warm in my heart. Then she told me about her understanding and knowledge about biblical verses. I felt what she said was fresh and sounded wonderful and she was a true believer in the Lord. So I thought I must treasure the opportunity and fellowship with her more. But after a while, I heard her saying: “It is the third stage of work of God that reveals the mysteries in the Bible.” After hearing her words, my heart didn’t calm down any more and I thought of what the pastor said: “Only believers of the testify to people about the third stage of work of God. They have already deviated from the Lord’s way.” So I refuted her immediately: “What you believe is quite different from what we believe. I can’t, without facts, say randomly your belief is not right. I have been baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus, so I can’t betray Him and believe in other ways.” I refused her politely.
The next day, Sister Liang came again. As she helped me with my work, she told me she would fellowship with me after the work was finished. I rejected her in my heart and made an excuse: “You go first. If I’m free, I’ll call you.” But the sister patiently asked me to sit down to listen, saying: “The Lord Jesus has already returned. He has done a stage of new work, the third stage of work of saving man thoroughly. …” Before she finished it, I brushed her off by all kinds of excuses.