How Can We Recover From A Failed Relationship?

By Yang Hong

When viewing a Christian website, I saw such a question that the youth pay close attention to—How do you get through the period of disappointment in love when breaking up? Some friends said, “After my girlfriend broke up with me, I could only use the word ‘collapse’ to describe myself. I have never been in such pain in my life.” As for everyone who has paid the price for love, the disappointment in love always made them feel miserable and depressed. Sometimes, we may think: In order to be together with her (or him) forever, I have tried my best, and even have made good preparation for marriage so as to keep company with each other all this life. Why was our love gone so quickly that it was impossible for us to retrieve the lost chance?

To that question lots of people feel confused and helpless. I found some direction to go in and have some understanding in a book. The book says, “One encounters many people in one’s life, but no one knows who will become one’s partner in marriage. Though everyone has their own ideas and personal stances on the subject of marriage, no one can foresee who will finally become their true other half, and one’s own notions count for little. After meeting a person you like, you can pursue that person; but whether he or she is interested in you, whether he or she is able to become your partner, is not yours to decide. The object of your affections is not necessarily the person with whom you will be able to share your life; and meanwhile someone you never expected quietly enters your life and becomes your partner, becomes the most important element in your fate, your other half, to whom your fate is inextricably bound.” “Marriage is an important juncture in a person’s life. It is the product of a person’s fate, a crucial link in one’s fate; it is not founded on any person’s individual volition or preferences, and is not influenced by any external factors, but is completely determined by the fates of the two parties, by the Creator’s arrangements and predeterminations regarding the fates of the couple” (“God Himself, the Unique III”). From these words, I saw everyone’s marriage is under God’s sovereignty and control. In our life, we will meet a person we like and make a pass. But whether we can marry that person doesn’t completely depend on our choices and efforts, but depends on the predestination of God. For example, someone has been in love for many years with the person he loves. However, he can’t choose but break up for some reason and finally has no chance to step into the wedding hall; while someone find his partner due to all sorts of accidental factors, and they come together unknowingly. It proves that everyone’s marriage is in the ordination and sovereignty of God and it can’t be controlled by us.

There are many people who don’t know God’s sovereignty and ordination considering that as long as they give their all and try their best, they will surely spend their life with the one whom they love. However, when things in their life go by contraries, some of them live in the pangs of disappointed love and can’t walk out, even complain that they were born unlucky. If we want to step out of the shadow of disappointed love, we should come in the presence of God to know, to accept and to obey the Creator’s sovereignty, and to wait for God’s ordination and arrangements for our marriages. Only thus can we live relaxed and released. Just as the book says, “Because people do not recognize God’s orchestrations and God’s sovereignty, they always face fate defiantly, with a rebellious attitude, and always want to cast off God’s authority and sovereignty and the things fate has in store, hoping in vain to change their current circumstances and alter their fate. But they can never succeed; they are thwarted at every turn. This struggle, which takes place deep in one’s soul, is painful; the pain is unforgettable; and all the while one is frittering away one’s life. … Some people may not have realized these things. But when you truly know, when you truly come to recognize that God has sovereignty over human fate, when you truly understand that everything God has planned for and decided for you is a great benefit, and is a great protection, then you feel your pain gradually lighten, and the whole of you become relaxed, free, liberated” (“God Himself, the Unique III”). Just like it says in this paragraph of word: If we live in the confrontational condition, we could only hopelessly struggle and feel pain. But if we obey God’s sovereignty, we will gain freedom and liberation. I have a friend. When she knew her boyfriend that she had been in love with for three years betrayed her, she was so pain that several times she even wanted to commit suicide. Fortunately, her family were by her side so the tragedy didn’t happen. For that reason, she had no thoughts to do anything. Afterward, her colleague asked her to believe in God. Through reading God’s word, she knew that everyone’s marriage, family, as well as life and death are all in God’s hand, and gradually she felt released in her heart and let go of it. Before long, introduced by her friend, she got to know her boyfriend who also believed in God. After half a year, they two got married. Now she has a daughter and their family of three live very happily.

This is really the case. When we have true understanding and experience of God’s almightiness and sovereignty, we won’t oppose our fate or attempt to cast off God’s ordination and arrangements any longer. Until then, we can set aside our intentions, and face the romance, failed relationship and marriage calmly, obeying God’s sovereignty and accepting God’s arrangements for our fate. Only thus will we gain true happiness and joy.

You may be interested in this article: God Helped Me Get Over A Painful Breakup

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Find the Shepherd
Find the Second Coming of Jesus Christ - Let’s discover the mystery of the Lord’s second coming, watch and prepare for it, then welcome the returned Lord Jesus Christ.

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