How to End Silent Treatment With Best Friend

By Yanan, France

During our lifetime, wherever we are, whatever kind of situations we live in or work in and so on, we all can’t avoid a problem—how to get on with others. And this “obligatory subject” exactly makes lots of people brim with anxiety and sufferings. Because everyone’s factors such as birth background, identity, status, personality, age, education and so forth are different, it’s not a simple matter to maintain peace with everyone around.

Alas, recently, my relationship with my colleague Yuanyuan ran into difficulties, which made me feel helpless. I kept asking myself: When we knew each other, I appreciated her. But why do I treat her with the cold shoulder and have nothing to say to her when we are well acquainted with each other? …

feel helpless

In May 2017, my manager arranged for me to work at a branch office. Yuanyuan and I worked at the same department. We always discussed marketing plans, and went to and from work together. At that time, we talked endlessly. Yuanyuan had a very sharp mind; her thought was novel and original; her designs were in accord with the requirements of the public. All of these showed that she performed well in the work and this was exactly worth learning from.

Afterward, we were assigned the same dormitory and I was joyful within because of this. In the beginning we lived harmoniously. In the work, whatever problems I encountered, she was ready to help me. We gradually became best friends who didn’t keep anything from each other.

Because our dormitory was only about 50 square meters, if we didn’t put our things in order in time, it would be in a mess. Moreover, from childhood, I liked the clean and neat house; thus, I often did housework at home, and never left out any dirty and insanitary places. So, after my return from work, the first thing I did was to tidy our dormitory. Not until I put things in order and everything was clean did I feel good. I thought that only such a dormitory looked cozy and that only in such a dormitory could we live comfortably.

But later, as I ate and lived with Yuanyuan for a long time, I found that, every time she returned from work, she would leave her shoes everywhere, place the fruit and the snacks she bought on the bed, and scatter the paper towels which were used by her around the room…. Seeing these living habits of Yuanyuan, I particularly resented her in my heart, thinking: You are a grown man, but why don’t you care about cleanliness? The bed is a place to sleep in, and should be kept clean. You lay the fruit and the snacks on it; won’t you soil it? Why don’t you consider my feelings? I really wanted to give her a piece of my mind for this, but when something was on the tip of my tongue, I thought that, we worked at the same department and couldn’t avoid running into each other, and if I blamed her, how should I get along with her in the future? Therefore, I had no choice but to keep my discontent with her inside. However, after that, every time she came back from work, I especially focused on her every move. Whenever I saw she left things all over the room and messed up the bed, I felt extremely uncomfortable as if my heart had been blocked by something. Although I didn’t reproach her to her face, because I had a bias against her, I began to ignore her and be unwilling to communicate with her and when she talked with me, I didn’t pay much attention to her. Once, when she came back after she went out to buy fried chicken legs, she directly sat on the bed and ate them and then she even put the bones on the wrapper which was on the bed. Seeing these, I was so angry that I came near to a breakdown and I really wanted to say to her: How could you eat snacks on the bed? How troublesome it’ll be if you get the sheet dirty! However, I was afraid that she would be unhappy after I spoke out, so I again kept all this hidden away inside. Then I ignored her and went on to work.

Later on, I observed also that, each time she did housework, she didn’t wash the floor. Consequently, my prejudices against her increased by the day. Thereupon, I wouldn’t like to talk with her. Sometimes seeing she didn’t do the cleaning, I would go to tidy up the room crossly. As I cleaned up I thought: Although you are good at work, why is it that you don’t focus on tidiness in your life? You are so lousy at it. I no longer want to speak to you. Once, she wanted to discuss a work plan with me, but I wouldn’t like to speak to her when I thought of her ordinary behavior in life. Seeing my unhappy face, she no longer talked to me, then returned to her place silently and started to work.

Gradually, my relationship with Yuanyuan became colder and colder. We didn’t communicate with each other both in work and life, and even didn’t say a word all day. Thinking back to the time when I got along with her at first, we were good friends who talked about anything, but now we were just like strangers. It was extremely embarrassing and painful. Alas, how should I get along with her? My heart was in pain. At the time, I came in front of God to pray, wishing Him to help and guide me so that I could learn how to get on with Yuanyuan in this environment.

Subsequently, I remembered the following words of God, “To adapt to your environment, you must first realize something: There are all kinds of people out there, with all sorts of living habits. Living habits do not represent a person’s humanity. Just because your living habits are disciplined, normal, and dignified does not mean you possess the truth. You need to get this fact through your head, and gain a positive appreciation for it. Furthermore, God has arranged such a fantastic environment for you. You have too many personal issues; you must learn to adapt, and not pick at the bad habits of others. Moreover, you have to be able to get along with them based on love, and get close to them; you need to see their strengths, learn from their strengths, and then pray to God and overcome your own problems. This is the attitude and practice of submission.” “We are common people; we are ordinary people. Do not think of yourself as being so noble or great.

Under the illumination and guidance of God’s words, I saw that, I was unable to adapt to and obey this environment, and all along wanted to make demands of Yuanyuan according to my own lifestyle. If I was not hostile toward her about her not doing housework, I would be hostile toward her about leaving things about, always nitpicking and finding fault in hygiene. Love othersI even always wanted to change her living habits, lacking understanding toward and love for her. Besides, I always felt that I was better than her in doing chores, so I disdained her. I was too arrogant and self-important. In fact, everyone has their own merits and shortcomings, and isn’t perfect. We can’t belittle others for they have shortcomings in a particular area but should have a heart of tolerating others, correctly view their shortcomings and be able to stand on equal footing to get on with them harmoniously. I thought that, although Yuanyuan was careless in life, she was clever in the work; in discussing and making designs, she had wide thoughts and intellectual rigor; moreover, she did things in a steady and serious manner and was active and motivated. These were all her merits, and I couldn’t compare with her in these aspects. I recalled that, she often helped me in the work, which rapidly improved my professional aspect, and yet I made demands of her so harshly in life. Thinking of this, I realized that I certainly lacked sense and conscience.

Even if Yuanyuan had some defects in life, I couldn’t be too hard on her, but should let go of myself and practice tolerating, accommodating and forbearing her. Only this conformed to the truth, and was the likeness of a true Christian. At the thought of this, I suddenly saw the light. I felt I didn’t hate her from my heart and I resolved to learn to tolerate her in life.

I remembered that, once, Yuanyuan sat on the bed, drinking water. As the bottle lid wasn’t screwed down tight, the water spilled out of the drink bottle onto the sheet. She hurriedly wiped up it with paper towels. When I saw the sheet was wet, I was angry with her, thinking to myself: Why are you so careless? How could you drink on the bed? Oh, you! I must talk to you. But then I thought: She didn’t do it on purpose and everyone can be incautious. I shouldn’t grasp the small fault tightly, but should understand her. Then, I smiled at her, saying, “Since the sheet is wet, let’s change another one. Just be more careful next time.” She got embarrassed and said, “I’m very much to blame. I shouldn’t drink as I played the computer on the bed. I promise I won’t do this way next time.” Seeing she was aware of this bad habit, I was very happy for her.

Subsequently, I didn’t fix my eyes on Yuanyuan as before. When she didn’t carry out the rubbish after eating snacks, I could clean it up; when she didn’t mop the floor, I would do that as usual; when she didn’t put her shoes in order, I would calmly remind her. As I put this into practice, I felt that, I complained less and was more liberated in my heart.

Then, after I shared the gain of getting on with her over this period of time, she said that, she was pampered since childhood and didn’t pay attention to many details of life. She also let me often remind her, and she was willing to amend her bad habits. At the time, I saw that, she wasn’t angry at my attitude toward her before; instead she let me often remind her. I felt quite moved, and also felt remorseful that I gave her the cold shoulder before. I was truly narrow-minded. Thank God! It was God’s words that resolved my prejudices toward Yuanyuan, and stopped our silent treatment. Our relationship got closer, and we had more communication. Gradually, we went back to our former days of telling each other everything. In particular, she always helped me in work, which made me gain a lot. Only at that moment did I feel that the best friend God arranged for me was very good.

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