The Story of Secret Pursue – God’s Word Changed Me
By Chen Li
In the morning, Bing’er picked up her cellphone to see the news of the day. A short story about stones and candies aroused her curiosity. The story was about a little boy with some beautiful stones in his hands and a little girl with a pile of candies in her hands. Then the boy advised the girl to exchange her candies for his stones, and exchange all that they had. Later, she agreed with him and gave all her candies to him. However, he secretly left a few of the most beautiful stones when she wasn’t looking. After going home at night, he laid awake tossing and turning, always thinking of whether the girl also had hidden some candies and hadn’t given him all. While the little girl gave all her candies to the little boy and also believed that she had got all the stones from him, so she fell asleep sweetly.
Thinking of this story, Bing’er recalled the recent matters happening between her and her husband.
Their family was reorganized. After marrying her, her husband treated her well. Every month he gave all his salary to her and she managed the money of their family. But gradually she was always afraid that her husband would have an affair outside. Therefore, she secretly looked at his WeChat to find out if there was a woman who was in close touch with her husband. At night, once her husband’s cellphone rang, she would listen and see if it was from a woman. She thought that in the world today, there are too many temptations. Besides, her husband had all types of good conditions. What if he would have an affair and abandon her some day? “One shouldn’t have the heart to harm others, but must be vigilant so as not to be harmed.” For safety’s sake, she had to save some money in secret. In this way, she started to save pin money behind the back of her husband. However, because she was afraid that he would find it, she, like a thief, had to change the place every day where she hid the money. Moreover, she doubted whether her husband also had a private coffer behind the back of her. These thoughts made her lose her appetite and be unable to fall asleep; she lived in guardedness and suspicion, feeling miserable every day.
Until recently, she accepted God’s work in the last days. She saw the following words of God: “I very much appreciate those who harbor no suspicion about others and very much like those who readily accept the truth; to these two kinds of men I show great care, for in My eyes they are the honest. If you are very cunning, then you will have a guarded heart and thoughts of suspicion regarding all matters and all men.” After reading, she knew that God likes those who harbor no suspicion about others. But all day she suspected that her husband had a private coffer behind her back and was in close touch with a woman. She also secretly saved egg money. Wasn’t this precisely a deceitful presentation God says? Because of her living in worry, fear, guardedness and suspicion, she felt miserable and exhausted every day.
She saw more of: “Whatever your background and whatever the journey ahead of you, none can escape the orchestration and arrangement that Heaven has in store, and none are in control of their destiny, for only He who rules over all things is capable of such work.” It turned out that everyone’s fate is in God’s hands and cannot be controlled by people themselves. In fact, her marriage was also arranged by God. However, not knowing God’s sovereignty, she always became worried, worrying about her husband having an affair. Therefore, she was suspicious of and guarded against him every day, feeling tired and extremely miserable. Then through God’s word, she knew that everyone’s family and marriage are orchestrated and arranged by God but not controlled by themselves. Only by believing that all things are in God’s hand and by submitting to God’s orchestration and arrangement destined in her life could she live freely, no longer guard against and be suspicious of her husband, but come before God to be an honest person and free from the pain and entanglements. After understanding God’s will, she prayed to God: “Oh God! I know that You like an honest person. I used to be always on guard against and be suspicious of my husband. Now I know that it was all a deceitful presentation and was despised by You. I didn’t live out the true form of a human being. I want to pursue to be an honest person. What should I do? I beg You to help and guide me.” Later, she read a passage of fellowship, “If you discover a transgression, besides praying to God, you must also openly admit it to others. Do not shrink back out of concern for your own reputation. You should boldly face the facts. Practice such as this is meaningful, and it is guaranteed to be beneficial to you. First, it can increase your confidence in being an honest person. Second, it can teach you to be unafraid of humiliation, and give up your vanity and self-regard. Third, it can give you courage to face facts and to respect facts” (“Only Being an Honest Person Is True Repentance”).
From these words, Bing’er found the path to practice. She knew that she should truly chat with her husband and open up to him about the matter of saving pin money and her inward thoughts. But when she wanted to do so, she hesitated. She thought: Once I tell my husband about it, will he say that I don’t sincerely live life with him? Will he let me be in charge of our family’s money later on? Could he treat me as well as before? Could our life go on? A series of question marks wiped out her thought of wanting to practice being an honest person. I better not tell him about these matters. Once he gets angry and divorces me, what should I do? What’s more, saving some money in my hand is not bad. However, whenever she looked at the pin money, she would reproach herself: I am a believer in God. And God is looking at me. I can no longer do it like this. I should be open up to and chat with him. At that time, God’s word kept showing up in her head, “I very much appreciate those who harbor no suspicion about others….” She also wanted to be an honest person whom God likes. So she prayed to God for this matter to give her confidence and strength to practice the truth.
One day, she eventually mustered her courage to say to her husband, “Chen Qiang, I’ve been wanting to tell you a matter all along, but I have no courage. We’ve been married for several years. You’ve been so kind to me, but I was always afraid that you would have an affair one day and divorce me. So I was always suspicious of and guarded against you and secretly saved pin money. After believing in God, I know that God asks us to be an honest person and not to be suspicious of others. So I want to open up to you and have a chat, but I dare not say. I worry that you will get angry and not treat me as well as before.” After that, she put her pin money on the desk and thought: He must be angry. Unexpectedly, he not only didn’t get angry, but on the contrary, said to her with excitement, “Keep the pin money for yourself. I trust you and you should trust me, too. Today but for you believing in God, you would not tell me about it all your life.” Hearing what her husband said, she couldn’t stop her tears. She thanked God unceasingly in her heart. That night she was lightened inside as if a window was opened to her heart. She felt sweetly asleep like that little girl.
After that, Bing’er recalled that since her secretly saving pin money, she had not been happy and was always suspicious of her husband having the private coffer. What’s more, she still worried that her husband would have an affair one day and divorce her. It was too painful living in the suspicion of and guardedness toward her husband every day. She couldn’t help but recall that the son of one of her colleagues was originally going to get married. For fear of her son and daughter-in-law divorcing later on, her colleague wrote her own name on the property ownership certificate of the wedding house of her son. Finally, it was because of this matter that her daughter-in-law and her son separated. Now these matters are often seen in society. Because of being corrupted by Satan, we all live in the influence of Satan and don’t believe in God’s sovereignty. Even there is no longer the very basic trust and understanding among relatives. Living like this is indeed too painful. Only God can save us from sufferings and lead us onto the right way of human life. Only by acting according to God’s word can people deal kindly but firmly with each other, be truthful with each other and live together in harmony.
From then on, Bing’er no longer secretly saved pin money. She didn’t manage their money on deposit alone, but managed it together with her husband. She felt that God’s word is really her direction of the way, and can make her live easily and freely, and live in the light. Thinking of this, a comfortable smile appeared on her face.