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It Is Very Easy for Spouses to Get Along With Each Other
By Lin Ping
When I was twelve, my mother died and I was raised by my father. Later, he arranged a marriage for me. After getting married, I found that my wife was an uneducated and bad-tempered woman. We were always fighting about some family trifles. I remembered once when our daughter was in the second grade, my wife saw that our family was poor, so she wanted our daughter to drop out. Because I didn’t agree with her, she frequently fought with me. I thought that my wife was so narrow-minded, and then our communication became less and less. Afterward, most of the people in our village had built new houses, and I also wanted to borrow money to rebuild our old house. However, my wife disagreed and said to me, “The old house is good enough, why do you want to build a new one?” No matter how I persuaded her, she still didn’t agree. Due to this matter, we had quarreled for half a year. When we calmed down, I told my wife, “I’m the head of this family and I’m more well informed than you. In other families, the wives all listen to their husbands, why do you not listen to me?” Then, my wife disapprovingly replied to me and said, “Why should I listen to you? You are never considerate toward me!” Thus, we neither would give in to each other and we ignored each other for many days. Seeing my wife was unable to satisfy me, I often complained against heaven and earth. I wanted a divorce, but I thought my child would be so sad, if I dont divorce her, I didn’t know how I would live through my life.
In 2012, my friend spread theto us and said, “God expresses the truth and does the work of cleansing and saving man. In God’s words, not only are there the truths that reveal our corruption but also the truths that resolve our corrupt disposition. As long as you can live by God’s words, the problem of quarreling between you two will be solved.” Hearing my friend’s words, I thought: I have already fought with my wife for over half of my life. If can really solve our problems, then it will be wonderful. So, I accepted God’s work in the last days together with my wife. From then on, we read God’s words every day, often attended meetings and fellowshiped with brothers and sisters.
One day, I read these God’s words, “Look, at the beginning, it is possible that a husband and wife might not understand each other very well, because they haven’t ever lived together and didn’t grow up in the same family. After living together for several years, they will have gotten used to each other, and locked horns a few times. But if you are both of normal humanity, you will always commune the words within your heart to him, and he to you. Whatever difficulties you have in life, the problems in your work, what you’re thinking in your heart, how you plan to sort things out, what ideas and plans you have for your work or children—you’ll tell him everything. In that case, are the two of you especially close to each other, and especially intimate with each other? If he never tells you the words within his heart, and does nothing but bring a paycheck home, and if you never speak to him of the words within your heart, and never confide in him, then is there not a distance between the two of you in your hearts? There surely is. He is distant from you, and you from him, because you don’t understand the thoughts or intentions in his heart. Ultimately, you cannot tell what kind of person he is, nor can he tell what kind of person you are; you don’t understand his needs, nor does he understand your requirements. If people have no verbal or spiritual communication, there is no possibility of intimacy between them, and they can’t provide to each other or help one another” (“To Be Honest, You Should Lay Yourself Open to Others”). God’s words told me the reason why my wife and I couldn’t get along well. It was just because we couldn’t open up our hearts to each other. We had lived together for forty years, but I didn’t know know what my wife was thinking in her heart, nor did my wife understand what I thought, nor did we share the words in our heart with each other. We both wanted the other to listen to ourselves rather than considering the other’s difficulties. If some conflicts happened, we both would think it was the other’s fault. All of this led to an increasing distance and more conflicts between us. Then I showed this passage to my wife. After reading, she nodded and said, “God’s words really speak to my heart. That’s our true situation. In the future, when we meet something, we both should learn to have a heart-to-heart talk and speak our true thoughts with each other, and practice according to God’s words. Thus, we will no longer fight.” I also nodded my head in agreement.
One morning not long after this, I got up and wanted to read the news on my cell phone. And then I looked for my glasses everywhere. My wife saw I wasn’t ready to read God’s words and reproached me, “You don’t read God’s words in the morning but waste time walking everywhere. Now, go to the vegetable patch to pick some vegetables and bring them back home!” Hearing that she accused me using a tone of command, I looked daggers at her. When I went out, a little stool was in my way. I kicked it hard and walked to the vegetable patch without a backward glance. I thought: I’m good enough now. I do everything both inside and outside of the house, but you still treat me in that way. You disrespect me all the time. The more I thought about it, the angrier I became. Not until I came back home from the vegetable patch did I recognize that I had fallen into the Satan’s scheme, and then I prayed to God in my heart. After prayer, I thought of a passage of God’s words, “Once a man has status, he will often find it difficult to control his mood, and so he will enjoy seizing upon instances to express his dissatisfaction and vent his emotions; he will often flare up into rage for no apparent reason, so as to reveal his ability and let others know that his status and identity are different from those of ordinary people. Of course, corrupt people without any status will also frequently lose control. Their anger is frequently caused by damage to their individual benefits. In order to protect their own status and dignity, corrupt mankind will frequently vent their emotions and reveal their arrogant nature. Man will flare up in anger and vent his emotions in order to defend the existence of sin, and these actions are the ways with which man expresses his dissatisfaction. These actions brim with defilement; they brim with schemes and intrigues; they brim with man’s corruption and evil; more than that, they brim with man’s wild ambitions and desires” (“God Himself, the Unique II”). God’s words were like a suppressant and the anger in my heart was quenched in an instant. I felt I was too unreasonable. Just because my wife said in a harsh tone and didn’t save my face, I lost my temper. My anger was in order to keep my face and dignity, which was living by the corrupt satanic disposition. Recalling that we had been married for so many years, I believed all the time: I was the head of our family and had more knowledge than my wife; she was illiterate and all her thoughts and advice were inferior to me, so she must listen to me. If she didn’t agree with me, I would get angry with her. It turned out the reason we had quarreled constantly all these years was that I was always in the position of the master in our family, looked down on her by my arrogant nature, and wanted to seize power in everything. Thinking more, I knew that she was doing good for me today though her tone of voice was a bit harsh. She just wanted me to read more of God’s word and equip myself with the truth. But not only did I not receive her words, but blamed her for having a bad attitude. How lacking in rationality I was! Back at home, I opened myself and communicated this knowledge to my wife, and she also said, “My harsh tone is wrong, too. These are all caused by the arrogant satanic disposition. God arranged such an environment for us to allow us to change. This is God’s blessing for us.” Listening to my wife’s fellowship, I understood God’s intention: He wanted us to learn lessons from each other and to change our corrupt disposition. It was God’s love for us.
However, I was too deeply corrupted by Satan. In order to change us, God arranged more people, things and matters for us. It was the time to harvest rice. My wife babysat our grandson at our son’s home and she couldn’t return home. I had to harvest over four mu (one hectare is equal to 66.6 mu) of rice by myself, which made me exhausted. One day, my wife came back home, and I said to her with anger, “Look, you left so much rice for me to harvest alone. I still needed to cook and wash clothes. You didn’t come back to help me.” My wife saw me complaining ceaselessly and said angrily, “I know you are tired. What is the use of losing your temper with me? I need to take care of our son and grandson. If you repeatedly say that in such a way, I will never come back.” Hearing her words, I became angrier and exasperatedly said, “Do not come back then!” Unexpectedly, my wife indeed left home in a fit of pique. When she left, my heart felt sad. I thought: Why did I lose my temper again? Don’t I fall into Satan’s scheme? Alas, she has already gone, what should I do?
Surprisingly, the next day, my wife returned home again. After she came in, she told me that she was so distressed that she couldn’t sleep last night, and that she shouldn’t have left in a moment of anger. I also said to her with regret, “I also felt as awful as you after losing my temper last night. And in these days, I only cared for doing work and didn’t read God’s words. My heart became distant from God. Let’s read God’s words together.” Next, we read this passage of God’s words together, “When people have yet to be saved, their lives are often interfered with, and even controlled by, Satan. In other words, people who have not been saved are prisoners to Satan, they have no freedom, they have not been relinquished by Satan, they are not qualified or entitled to worship God, and they are closely pursued and viciously attacked by Satan. Such people have no happiness to speak of, they have no right to a normal existence to speak of, and moreover they have no dignity to speak of. Only if you stand up and do battle with Satan, using your faith in God and obedience to, and fear of God as the weapons with which to fight a life-and-death battle with Satan, such that you fully defeat Satan and cause it to turn tail and become cowardly whenever it sees you, so that it completely abandons its attacks and accusations against you—only then will you be saved and become free” (“God’s Work, God’s Disposition, and God Himself II”). After reading God’s words, I communicated with my wife, “God’s words make it very clear that we all don’t have any normal humanity after being corrupted by Satan. Once coming upon something, we are completely void of sense. When I was a little tired or busy with the farming work, I complained that you didn’t help me and thus lost my temper with you. I’m too arrogant and selfish. I only consider myself and always want you to listen to me, but never care for your feelings.” My wife nodded and said, “When hearing you blame me, I was also defiant. I thought I didn’t do anything wrong, why do you blame me? It seems that we are corrupted too deeply by Satan. We both live by the arrogant nature, and want to have the final say, and never put ourselves in the other’s position. How can we not quarrel with each other? From now on, we should take God’s words as our weapon to overcome our own satanic disposition and live according to God’s words.” I replied, “Right! All we need to do is to read more of God’s words, and only by practicing God’s word can we have true changes, and can we understand and respect each other. If so, we can get along well with each other.” Then, my wife and I set a determination: No matter what happens, we should not be arrogant and conceited. As long as what the other says is correct, we should accept and submit, letting the truth be the master and decision-maker.
Since then, when we encountered some problems, we both came before God to seek the truth, reflecting on our corruption and not looking to the other for faults. Under the guidance of God’s words, we could respect and love each other more and more. Sometimes, when my wife traveled far to fulfill her duty, I would quickly get the dinner ready after coming home from work; if she had not been back yet, I would bring a flashlight to wait for her on the road. When my wife stayed at home, she would rush to do everything and wouldn’t leave it to me; she also asked me to read more of God’s word, to equip myself with more truth, and to share whatever I gained from God’s words with her. We often sang and danced together to praise God and didn’t fight with each other anymore under the guidance of God’s words. Since we believed in God, the people around us all said that we have got younger and younger. In our village, some people wondered why they didn’t hear the voices of us quarreling anymore. I know it is God’s great love that leads us to live a happy life. All the glory be to God!
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