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Forgiving Infidelity: Ridding Herself of the Pain of Marriage
Hello brothers and sisters of Find the Shepherd,
I’ve been married for twenty years. I thought my husband and I were devoted to each other. But unexpectedly, my husband had an affair. I feel very upset and don’t know how to face it. I’d like to ask: Why is marital affection so fragile? How can I escape from the anguish?
Hello Sister Moyan,
Seeing your message, I can understand how you feel right now because I had the same experience as you. In those dark days, if it hadn’t been for the guidance of the words of God, I wouldn’t have known how to walk the path ahead. It was the guidance of God’s words that helped me understand why marital affection is so fragile, and also allowed me to know the root of human suffering. Gradually, I walked away from the shadow of my husband’s betrayal.
My husband and I were childhood sweethearts, and we shared many of the same interests and had endless things to tell each other. My family didn’t consent to my marrying him, but we overcame all the hindrances and stayed together. After we got married, my husband was very considerate and attentive to me. I thought we had a deep mutual affection and so we would be always happy. But then reality gave me a deadly blow …
My husband started to earn more money and come into contact with more people, but that also meant there were more fair-weather friends around him. One day, I accidentally opened his WeChat and saw a message. In it, he actually called another woman “honey.” At that moment I couldn’t believe my eyes. I couldn’t stop trembling all over. He swore to love me for the rest of our lives—how could he coo over another woman like that? We had been together for so many years—how could he betray me? Under my questioning, he admitted that he indeed had had an affair, and said nonchalantly that it was not a big deal and that many of his colleagues had affairs.
At that moment, it felt like the sky was falling on me. Anger, shame, and helplessness all welled up in my mind. I couldn’t hold back the pain in my heart, and howled with tears.
In the days after my husband admitted his betrayal, I felt nothing mattered anymore. I shut myself off from everyone and didn’t say a word for a whole week. As soon as I thought of my husband’s betrayal, tears gushed out like water from an opened sluice. I wanted to spend up all his money to take revenge on him, so I began to buy clothes and shoes, go out to eat etc…. However, every time after I spent his money, I was no less upset. In the space of just two weeks, I lost 8.5kg in weight.
In pain and helplessness, I saw God’s words saying: “One after another, all these trends carry an evil influence that continually degenerates man, causing them to continually lose conscience, humanity and reason, and that lowers their morals and their quality of character more and more, to the extent that we can even say the majority of people now have no integrity, no humanity, neither do they have any conscience, much less any reason. So what are these trends? You cannot see these trends with the naked eye. When the wind of a trend blows through, perhaps only a small number of people will become the trendsetters. They start off doing this kind of thing, accepting this kind of idea or this kind of perspective. The majority of people, however, in the midst of their unawareness, will still be continually infected, assimilated and attracted by this kind of trend, until they all unknowingly and involuntarily accept it, and are all submerged in and controlled by it. For man who is not of sound body and mind, who never knows what is truth, who cannot tell the difference between positive and negative things, these kinds of trends one after another make them all willingly accept these trends, the life view and values that come from Satan. They accept what Satan tells them on how to approach life and the way to live that Satan ‘bestows’ on them. They have not the strength, neither do they have the ability, much less the awareness to resist.”
From God’s words, I understood the reason we live with so much pain is that we have accepted Satan’s evil trends. Nowadays, public morals are declining day by day; pornography is rife; and all kinds of wrong views are bandied around, such as “Have a wife, and mistresses too,” and “Seize the day for pleasure, for life is short.” These thoughts have distorted people’s outlook on life and their idea of love. People pursue these evil trends, and they see having affairs or finding mistresses as a manifestation of being capable rather than a source of shame. So many families are torn to pieces, and so many couples swing back and forth from love to hate and can’t extricate themselves. That my husband betrayed me was also because he had accepted this kind of view. When he saw people around him all having affairs, he did it too. Not only does he not feel remorse, but he thinks it is very normal. Corrupted by satanic thoughts, we’ve lost our ethics and interpersonal affection has become very fragile.
As I also had accepted some other satanic views, such as “Life is precious, but love is more valuable,” “Holding one’s hand and accompanying him until old age.” I regarded having love as the main criterion of my happiness and the only thing that made life worth living for me, and thought only when one possessed a sweet love was life valuable and meaningful. Therefore, in the face of my husband’s betrayal, seeing that my marriage, which I had devoted my life to managing, came to nothing I got depressed and was in a daze all day. I was like a walking corpse. This was the consequence of living by Satan’s philosophies, and, even more importantly, was the harm that was done to me by Satan. With no truth and no discernment about these satanic rules of survival, we humans can’t help but live in pain and be trampled by Satan at will.
Later, I saw these words of God, “Because the essence of God is holy, that means that only through God can you walk the bright, right road through life; only through God can you know the meaning of life, only through God can you live out a real life, possess the truth, know the truth, and only through God can you obtain life from the truth. Only God Himself can help you shun evil and deliver you from the harm and control of Satan. Besides God, no one and nothing can save you from the sea of suffering so that you suffer no longer: This is determined by the essence of God.”
From God’s words, I understood that God is the truth, the way, and the life. Only God can save us from Satan’s affliction. God hopes that every one of us can live happily, worship Him, and listen to His words while Satan—who corrupts and tortures people for fun—wants us to live in pain. Only when we pursue the truth and gain it as life, can we avoid being fooled by Satan and free ourselves from pain. I reflected on the fact that as I didn’t have discernment about the means that Satan employed to corrupt mankind, I had been living in the shadow of my husband’s betrayal, imprisoned by the past and torturing myself. That period in my life tore me apart. But under the guidance of God’s words, I saw clearly the afflictions these evil trends had brought to people, and I also realized my husband and I were both the victims of Satan’s evil trends. Gradually I walked away from the shadow of my husband’s betrayal.
Later, I started to actively perform my duties in the church and now live an enriched life.
Sister Moyan, I don’t know whether my experience will help you out of your pain, but I do hope that you can clearly see from God’s words the consequences of these evil trends corrupting mankind. Never fall for Satan’s tricks, and live according to God’s words. May God bless you!
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