Letting Go of A Marriage That Doesn’t Belong to Me – Return to God

By Xinyi

My elder brother and his wife had been married for several years. However, because of his illness, they quarreled all day and divorced each other finally. I thought: If I get married later, I’ll certainly treasure my happiness and by no means divorce my husband easily. After one year, I was introduced to my former husband, who was a good-looking solider and the right boy for me. While getting along with him, I found that he was steady and worth being committed all my life to. Then I agreed to marry him and dreamed of a happy marriage.

Unexpectedly, just the night of our wedding day, he calmly said to me, “Let’s get divorced.” Hearing his words, I thought that he was kidding me. So I said, “Why did you say that? We’re just married, then you want a divorce. So why did you marry me?” He simply said, “Now divorce is very general. If our marriage is unsuitable, we can divorce. It’s nothing.” Only at that time did I realize that he was serious. I felt that my dream was suddenly shattered, as if the sky fell. I said to him in anger, “Is a marriage a game in your eyes? You just treat it at will. Have you ever thought about me? Divorcing after being married for merely one day, I’ll be spoken ill of by others.” He said, “You just live your own life. Others are free to say whatever they want to say. Can you control them?” I could see that he had a secret and then asked him, “Are you having an affair?” He replied, “Yes. I’ve been loving a girl for several years. She is an only daughter. Her parents demanded that I married into and lived with them. But my parents didn’t agree with me to do that. I married you just to satisfy the needs of my family.” At his words, I felt so painful as if I had a searing stitch in my heart, not knowing what to do. But then I thought, “As long as I treat him well, he’ll change his heart. I can’t give up my marriage so easily.” Thereupon I slightly controlled my mood and said to him, “Give me one year. If you still don’t love me at all one year later, we’ll divorce.” Without saying anything, he just left.

The image originated from the internet source

After the Spring Festival, he left home and I had to live in my mother’s house. He didn’t come back the whole year. To please him, I lived a frugal life and spent all the money I earned on the family’s expenses. I also bought clothes for him and his family. I tried to do more housework in the family and was also filial toward his parents. But no matter how hard I tried, I still failed to change his mind. During our second Spring Festival, he came back. We were like strangers at home, which made me feel lonely and wronged. Other new couples could live a happy life, while I lived forlornly. Our marriage existed in name only. How long would such painful days last?

One day after three years, I accidentally found that a photograph of that girl was still in his wallet. Seeing that, my heart was broken and then I tore that photo in great anger. Afterward I found out a diary and a letter that the girl wrote to him in the drawer. When reading the letter, I really lost control of my emotions and I tore it, too. Later, I suppressed my inner pain to open the diary and insist on reading through it. Finally, I completely collapsed like a deflated ball. These years, I had never got even a little love or warmth from my husband. In his heart was only that girl and they remained in touch with each other. I was caught in between, so bitter and tired. When he came back at night, I asked him why he was still keeping in touch with that girl. But he responded to me with silence. I said to him with tears, “I’ve torn up her picture and her letter to you.” He stared at me angrily and ruthlessly slapped me on the face. He, gnashing his teeth, said to me, “How dared you tear it?” With these words, he slapped my face again. I said with anger, “I’ve been married to you for several years, but I’m less important than a letter. You hit me just for it.” I sat there hopelessly, being hit by him at his will, with my face feeling searing pain. At that time, my heart was completely broken. I thought: I’d expected that I would live a happy life after getting married. Unexpectedly, I become more miserable. Oh, Heavens! How bitter my fate is! How can I live my future life? It’s better to die than to live. … Nevertheless I didn’t have the heart to let my patents suffer a bereavement, so I had to bury the pain in my heart.

One day in 2013, I went to my colleague’s house. When speaking of my marriage, I couldn’t help but shed tears and complained about my fate. My colleague’s mother comforted me, “Child, the reason why you live so miserably is not because your fate is bitter but because you haven’t come before God and are being fooled by Satan. Originally, God created Adam and Eve. Under God’s care and protection, they lived carefree lives, without any pain or sorrow. Later, they were tempted by Satan for lack of discernment and ate the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, so that they betrayed God and lived in sin. From then on, pain and trouble all emerged. So today all that we suffer is caused by the affliction of Satan. God’s word says, ‘People who have been bound by Satan for several thousand years have continued to live under its influence and have not thrown it off. They have continued to bitterly grope and struggle. … and they were tightly bound to family and secular entanglements as well as social interactions. They were unable to throw them off. In this kind of dog-eat-dog society, where can anyone find a meaningful life? What people recount is a life of suffering, and fortunately, God has saved these innocent people, placing our lives under His care and His protection so that our lives are joyful and no longer full of worries. We have continued to live under His grace so far. Is this not God’s blessing?’ (‘The Path … (2)’). If we don’t come before God, each of us, rich or poor, noble or humble, can’t live happily but sadly. As we have been corrupted by Satan, human relations have become full of cheating, and even that between husbands and wives are no exception.”

Her words spoke to the bottom of my heart and they are facts. Moreover, nowadays people are all so selfish that they don’t care about others but only about themselves. The love and marriage between people are too fragile to withstand even a single blow. For instance, my sister-in-law ended their marriage just for my elder brother’s illness; for that girl, my husband asked for a divorce on our wedding day, without a sense of responsibility. Later on, the aunt told me that the people who enter the kingdom of God in the future are those who are loved and blessed by God, having no pain or sorrow and living before God with freedom and relief. Besides, she found a passage of God’s words and let me read, “When man achieves the true life of man on earth, the entire forces of Satan will be bound, and man will live easily upon earth. Things will not be as complex as they are today: Human relationships, social relationships, complex familial relationships…, they are such bother, so painful! Man’s life here is so miserable! Once man has been conquered, his heart and mind will change: He will have a heart that reveres God and a heart that loves God. Once all those within the universe who seek to love God have been conquered, which is to say, once Satan has been defeated, and once Satan—all the forces of darkness—has been bound, then man’s life on earth will be untroubled, and he will be able to live freely upon earth. If man’s life is without the fleshly relationships, and is without the complexities of the flesh, then it would be so much easier. Man’s relationships of the flesh are too complex, and for man to have such things is proof that he has yet to free himself of the influence of Satan. If you had the same relationship with the brothers and sisters, if you had the same relationship with your regular family, then you would have no concerns, and would not need to worry about anyone. Nothing could be better, and in this way man would be relieved of half of his suffering. Living a normal human life on earth, man will be similar to an angel; though still being of the flesh, he will be much like an angel. This is the final promise, it is the last promise that is bestowed upon man” (“Restoring the Normal Life of Man and Taking Him to a Wonderful Destination”). After reading God’s word, she fellowshiped, “We were created by God. He doesn’t have the heart to see us, the mankind He Himself created, afflicted by Satan continuously like this. So He is incarnated the second time to do the work of conquering and saving mankind to let us break free from the bondage of Satan and live before Him. At that time, mankind will no longer have tears or sorrow. What a happy life it is! This is the promise of God to us humans.” I said to her, “God’s word is really great. I want to live a happy life all the time. I didn’t except that It has been prepared by God. I’m willing to believe in God.” She happily gave me a book of God’s word, let me read it carefully at home, and arranged the church life for me.

Once, after supper, my husband’s cellphone rang. He went to another room to answer it. When detecting that it was that girl, I felt pained. I hurriedly prayed to God in my heart, “Oh, God! Before, when such matters happened, I’d quarrel with him. But now I wouldn’t like to do so, because everyone’s fate is controlled by Your hand. I don’t know whether our marriage can still last. If it’s really at an end, I’m willing to let go. May You protect my heart.” After my prayer, I read a passage of God’s words, “Only the Creator! Only the Creator has pity on this mankind. Only the Creator shows this mankind tenderness and affection. Only the Creator holds a true, unbreakable affection for this mankind. Likewise, only the Creator can bestow mercy on this mankind and cherish all of His creation. … He has never known how to pity His own life, yet He has always pitied and cherished the mankind He Himself created…. He grants His mercy and tolerance unconditionally and without expectation of recompense. He does this only so that mankind can continue to survive before His eyes, receiving His provision of life; He does this only so that mankind may one day submit before Him and recognize that He is the One who nourishes man’s existence and supplies the life of all creation” (“God Himself, the Unique II”). When I read these tender words of God, my heart was very warm. I was again surrounded by His love, tears blurring my sight. Recalling that since I accepted God’s work, I had felt the sweetness of His love. Though my husband never paid attention to me, God accompanied me all along. No matter whether I encountered my marriage setback or difficulties in my life, God always raised up brothers and sisters to help and fellowship with me about His will to let me walk out of pain. Only God truly loves mankind. And He never leaves me. Just because I simply fell into the beautiful dream I weaved for myself and kept the marriage that didn’t belong to me, I felt very tired and miserable.

Then I thought of God’s word, “I advise you: better to sincerely spend half your life for Me than your whole life in mediocrity and busywork for the flesh, enduring all the suffering a man could hardly bear” (“What a Real Man Means”). Reflecting on the past five years, in order to have a complete family, I tried to retrieve my marriage all the time and also I shed many tears of sadness behind the scenes, but at last I still failed to get my husband’s heart. I’d rather devote the rest of my life to God and walk the true way of human life than live such a miserable life. I prayed to God, “Oh, God! Thank you for letting me see through these people, events and things, so that I no longer live in the pain of my marriage and no longer struggle against my fate. I’m just a tiny creation. I wish to obey your orchestration and arrangement. Oh, God! It is You who make me understand what the most valuable thing for me to pursue is. …” As I said that, I was moved to tears of happiness involuntarily. I knew that with God’s companionship, my life will be happy and I will not be worried and troubled as before. After a while, my husband finished the call and came back. I said to him, “Whenever you’re free, let’s file a divorce.” Hearing what I said, he looked calm and said to me, “Tomorrow then.”

At that moment, I felt that the burden on my body was lifted suddenly and that I was very relaxed in my heart. For several years I hadn’t dared to face this situation, but today, relying on God, I could have courage to face it. This was the strength that God gave me. Had it not been for God’s love, I would still be entangled with him and both of us would live in misery. It was God’s love that led me to let go of the marriage that didn’t belong to me. Now I am with brothers and sisters every day, reading God’s words, sharing our experiences, helping and supporting one another. I feel incomparably peaceful and secure and every day is happy. Thank God! All the glory be to God!

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