By Yang Laidi I’m Yang Laidi, sixty-two years old this year. In 1985, because my husband had health problems, our […]
Spiritual Awakening: I Finally Knew How to Love My Son
One day, I heard a news that a sophomore at a high school jumped down from his house on the fifth floor because his mother brought so much pressure to bear on him to study hard that he felt life had no meaning. He landed on the feet and had an escape, but he had several fractures. After his operation, his mother first rushed forward to visit him. Unexpectedly, “Go away!” were his first words, which amazed his mother. What caused him to treat his mother as an enemy? … Sitting in the corridor of the hospital, the mother looked drawn, with her tears flowing freely down her cheeks. She muttered, “Why is this? Who can tell me? Who can tell me? I really love my child!” Hearing that, my heart ached as if being pricked. As a mother, I deeply knew a mother loves her children better than her own life. But why was she repaid with bitter fruit?
The next morning, I prayed and practiced spiritual devotions as before. Then I saw the following words of God, “People know that they are powerless and hopeless in this life, that they will not have another chance, another hope, to stand out from others, and that they have no choice but to accept their fates. And so they project all their hopes, their unrealized desires and ideals, onto the next generation, hoping that their offspring can help them achieve their dreams and realize their desires; that their daughters and sons will bring glory to the family name, become important, rich, or famous; in short, they want to see their children’s fortunes soar. … Humans are not the masters of their own fate, yet they hope to change the fates of the younger generation; they are powerless to escape their own fates, yet they try to control those of their sons and daughters. Are they not overestimating themselves? Is this not human foolishness and ignorance?”. Pondering God’s words, I thought that was the reason why that mother put pressure on her son to study hard not because she wanted to control her son’s fate in her own hands? Finally what she did had the contrary effect and she nearly ruined her son’s life. In looking back at my past years, I was the same as that mother before. I wanted to rely on myself to control my son’s fate, so that I was exhausted and felt very bound. Afterward, it was the watering and feeding of that gradually corrected my outlook on things. After I accepted and obeyed the ’s orchestrations and arrangements, my son and I attained true freedom, and my love for him had a direction.
Before marriage, my husband and I both lived in poor households, so we started working early and had no opportunity to go to university. After getting married and having our son, we transferred our hopes to him, expecting that he could get into university, and that in the future, he would have a good job and stand out from others. Since my son started school, I had been staying at home to mind him, with my position retained and my salary suspended. Every morning, I waked him up early for reciting the text; at lunch, I helped him review lessons he had learnt in the morning; in the evening, I accompanied him when he did his homework. However, he was not interested in study and always did badly in school tests. As a result, I asked his teachers for guidance and help, took him going on tour in summer and winter vacations to develop his interest in learning, and arranged his lessons occupied. But his grades still didn’t go up and his teachers often called me up to communicate with me about his study. I always felt a gnawing worry and was so anxious for him to make progress.
Sometimes while walking on the road, my head was full of his study. I remembered the worst thing: Once there were many mistakes in his assignments. When I helped him correct them, he wandered around in his mind. At that time, I thought that I accompanied him in study every day and had expended so much painstaking effort, but he wasn’t in the least anxious and didn’t make any progress, therefore I couldn’t help scolding him. Over the next few days, we were not speaking to each other. … I had been accompanying my son in study for five whole years. In order to achieve my desire to send him to university, not only was I weary in body and mind, but our relationship became very strained. I was in agony and at a loss, not knowing where the path was.
One day, a sister read a passage of God’s word to me: “The fate of man is controlled by the hands of God. You are incapable of controlling yourself: Despite always rushing and busying about for himself, man remains incapable of controlling himself. If you could know your own prospects, if you could control your own fate, would you still be a creature? In short, regardless of how God works, all His work is for the sake of man. Take, for example, the heavens and earth and all things that God created to serve man: The moon, the sun, and the stars that He made for man, the animals and plants, spring, summer, autumn and winter, and so on—all are for the sake of man’s existence”. Then she fellowshiped with me: “Everyone’s fate is in God’s command and it’s not controlled by us. The fates of children are not controlled by parents either. God’s creation of the heavens and earth and all things is for the sake of our survival. Regardless of what arrangements God makes, all is for our sake. We should just submit to His sovereignty and arrangements.” Then she told me about other brothers and sisters’ experiences of educating children, as well as about how they relied on God and obeyed His arrangements and then saw His deeds. I felt her fellowship was quite reasonable, so I tried to commit my son’s study into God’s hands. I no longer revolved around him all day but was only with him when he did his homework in the evening. After a semester, he did much better at school than ever! I kept thanking God with joy.
Soon after, our church brought in a new believer. The sister arranged for me to have meetings with her in the evening. However, during that time, my son always did his homework late. I didn’t know whether I should go to have meetings or accompany my son. Just then, I read God’s word, “Despite the fact that you are before Me doing things for Me, in your heart you still think of your wife, children and parents at home—are all these your property? Why don’t you commit them into My hands? Do you not believe in Me enough? Or is it that you’re afraid I will make inappropriate arrangements for you?”. Compared to, and then I saw my condition. Didn’t I mistrust God? Thinking of this, I prayed to God, just committing my son’s study to Him and no longer doing things on my own. After finishing the first meeting and getting home, I immediately asked my son, “How is your homework going?” To my surprise, he said, “Mom, I got it done.” At that moment, I saw that God wanted me to trust in Him and that I could do nothing on my own. From then on, I was determined to rely on God, commit my son into His hands and let Him control and arrange all.
Since I changed my viewpoints on things, my son and I have kept no secrets from each other as friends. My son said to me with emotion, “Mom, thanks to you believing in God, you don’t scold me every day because of my study. Every time you scolded me, I would hate you.” I said, “Give thanks to God for His salvation. All this is His grace. Without His salvation, our relationship wouldn’t become what it is today.”
Later, my son naturally went to a vocational school. After graduation, he got a job. Now he has grown up and surpasses his peers in the ability to live independently. Moreover, he is frequently praised by his colleagues and leaders at work.
At this point, thinking of the tragedy in the above story, I was filled with emotion. Today, if I hadn’t come before God, my love for my son would not have any direction and perhaps one day I would repeat the tragedy. Thank God for His salvation. Through His words, I understand His sovereignty and know everyone’s fate is in His hands. I don’t resist fate any more, but instead commit my son to Him and submit to His orchestration and arrangement; thereby I have a normal relationship with my son and we live freely and unrestrained under God’s care and protection. All the glory be to God!