By Yang Laidi I’m Yang Laidi, sixty-two years old this year. In 1985, because my husband had health problems, our […]
I Am Free Now
In the past 20 years, I always had a wish to grow a little taller. In my childhood, I was shorter than other children of my age. At that time, I often played rubber band skipping with companions. But when the rubber band was lifted up to high levels, I would be very embarrassed and could only reach it with others’ help. From then on, I hoped to grow taller soon so that I would succeed without others’ help. In my school days, when my companions were chosen to take part in the show, I felt afflictive and could only jealously watch them perform on the stage due to my short height. During many years of my study, no matter in seats arrangement or stand-up meetings, I always “stayed in the front row.” It bothered me a lot. I thought, “When can I grow taller and stand in the back of the team? If so, I don’t need to stand in front and to be watched by a crowd of teachers and classmates.” Especially when I found my height didn’t increase with the age, I became more distressed and always complained against why I was born so short….
I tried every possible means to grow taller. I heard that doing more exercise could help one grow taller, so I got up early and did some running every morning. But one year later, my height was still the same as before. Later I heard that drinking more milk could help one grow taller, so I had milk with high calcium and iron for a few years. But I grew fat instead of growing tall. After I went to work, seeing that my colleagues had nice figures and their clothes were beautiful and fit them well, while many of my clothes didn’t fit me because of my short stature, I had a more intense desire to grow taller. The first thing I did after I got salary was to buy 30 pairs of height increasing insoles, which cost me the salary of two months. I changed the insoles once a day and wore them for one year. That was a hard year. Summer in the south of China comes very early, and I am sensitive to heat. As I couldn’t wear height increasing insoles in sandals, I had to wear leather shoes during that hot summer. One year later, I measured my height, but found it remained the same. Even so, I didn’t give up. I paid close attention to any possible method of growing taller. Once, I accidentally saw a kind of heighten drug on the internet, which was said to be effective, so I bought much drug for several courses of treatment without thinking. But a period of time later, I felt disappointed once again. Gradually, I reached the age of marriage. Someone said that early marriage could make one grow taller, and I was excited and had the intention of going to marry. But there was no Mr. Right, so I had to give up the thought.
Just like that, one failure after another, year after year, I changed from hopefulness to disappointment. Although I struggled countless times and spent much money and time on it, the effect was little. I was puzzled and couldn’t help thinking: Why can’t I grow taller no matter how hard I try? Why is it? Is it my fate? Later, I read ’s words, “Since the creation of the world, I have predestined and chosen this group of people, that is, you of today. Your disposition, qualities, appearance, and stature, the family you were born into, and your job and marriage, your everything, even the color of your hair, the color of your skin, and the time of your birth, are all arranged by My hand. Even what you will do and what kind of people you will meet every day are also arranged by My hand. How much more is it arranged by Me that you have been brought before Me today. Do not disturb yourself but go forward unperturbedly.” (from The Word Appears in the Flesh) “Because people do not recognize God’s orchestrations and God’s sovereignty, they always face fate defiantly, with a rebellious attitude, and always want to cast off God’s authority and sovereignty and the things fate has in store, hoping in vain to change their current circumstances and alter their fate. But they can never succeed; they are thwarted at every turn. This struggle, which takes place deep in one’s soul, is painful; the pain is unforgettable; and all the while one is frittering away one’s life. What is the cause of this pain? Is it because of God’s sovereignty, or because a person was born unlucky? Obviously neither is true. At bottom, it is because of the paths people take, the ways people choose to live their lives. Some people may not have realized these things. But when you truly know, when you truly come to recognize that God has sovereignty over human fate, when you truly understand that everything God has planned for and decided for you is a great benefit, and is a great protection, then you feel your pain gradually lighten, and the whole of you become relaxed, free, liberated.” (from Continuation of The Word Appears in the Flesh) After reading Almighty , I had a rude awakening. Actually, everything has long been predestined by the . I didn’t know God’s sovereignty all the time and vainly wanted to change my conditions into my ideal figure through my effort. The struggle, which took place deep in my soul, was painful. Just as Almighty God tells us that because we don’t realize God’s sovereignty over everything, our life is hard. These sufferings weren’t caused by the Creator and weren’t due to my bad fate, but due to the paths I took and the ways I chose to live my life.
Later I read these words of Almighty God, “All things created by God, including those which could move and those which could not, such as birds and fish, such as trees and flowers, and including the livestock, insects, and wild animals made on the sixth day—they were all good with God, and, furthermore, in the eyes of God, these things, in accordance with His plan, had all attained the acme of perfection, and had reached the standards that God wished to achieve. Step by step, the Creator did the work He intended to do according to His plan. One after the other, the things He intended to create appeared, and the appearance of each was a reflection of the Creator’s authority, and a crystallization of His authority, and because of these crystallizations, all creatures could not help but be thankful for the grace of the Creator, and the provision of the Creator. As the miraculous deeds of God manifested themselves, this world swelled, piece by piece, with all of the things created by God, and it changed from chaos and darkness into clarity and brightness, from deathly stillness to liveliness and limitless vitality. Among all things of creation, from the great to the small, from the small to the microscopic, there was none which was not created by the authority and power of the Creator, and there was a unique and inherent necessity and value to the existence of each creature. Regardless of the differences in their shape and structure, they had but to be made by the Creator to exist under the authority of the Creator.” (from Continuation of The Word Appears in the Flesh) Almighty God’s words made me understand that all things created by God are good in God’s eyes. They are all manifesting God’s authority, and there is a unique and inherent necessity and value in the existence of each creature. In the past several decades, I was seeking troubles and fooling myself because I didn’t understand God’s will. Now I come to understand God’s almightiness and sovereignty and see God’s keeping for me: I was arrogant by nature and always dreamt to stand out among others. Just because I was not satisfied with my height, I became low-key and could treat people around rightly. Although I am short, God guides me and supplies me with His life all the same. God has brought me before Him to accept His salvation. Thinking of that, I even more feel the Creator’s righteousness and loveliness. My heart is no longer distressed and struggling but is free and released. Only when man submits to the Creator’s arrangements, finds the goals and values of human life, and understands God’s will can they break free from distress. I am very thankful that Almighty God’s words helped me get out of pain, so I no longer seek in perplexity.
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