Could we only spend our youth in eating, drinking and enjoying ourselves? How can we escape empty life and find the value and meaning of life?
Getting Over the Failed Marriage
By Qingxin, Burma
When I was in middle school, pop music and various kinds of movies, TV plays, and novels flourished, which deeply affected me. Especially the romantic fictions written by Qiong Yao, a famous writer in Taiwan, had the biggest influence on me. Famous sentences like “What on earth is love, that makes lovers vow to stick together in life and death?” and “Love is exalted above everything” all became my motto as well as the philosophy that I abided by in my life.
One day in 2004, when I just walked out of my work unit, someone behind me suddenly pulled my clothes. I turned around and saw a young man. He smiled and introduced himself, saying that he came specially to escort me home.… Since then, every day before the day breaks he waited for me in front of my house and sent me to work by motorbike, and when I got off work he would also be right there waiting for me to pick me up. Whether it was winter or summer, he never missed a single day. Even if I refused him or treated him coldly sometimes, his passion for me didn’t abate in the slightest. Having seen the sacrifices he had made for me, I gradually began to believe that he was the one that I could entrust my life to, and that I had found the hero in the love story.
Three years later, we got married in the felicitations of our relatives. Two weeks after our wedding, I decided to sell my wedding ring, bracelet, earrings and necklace and used the money to help my husband start a business. My salary was used to pay the family expenses, and the money he earned could be used to build up his business. When I was enjoying the fruit of love, I also made plans and worked for our future.
However, good times didn’t last long. One and a half years later, my husband was addicted to Golf (a kind of gambling game). And the more he played, the more he became addicted to it, even to the extent that he left his business in others’ charge. As a result, his business went into a decline and failed at last. Even so, I never quarreled with him, for I thought: He’s still young. A failure can serve as a lesson in his life. Forgiveness and forbearance to him are the foundation for maintaining our relationship; understanding and support are the basis of a happy marriage.
After my eldest son was born, we made a new plan for our future. He promised me that he would not gamble again and would shoulder the responsibility for the family. I believed what he said, and dreamed a new dream of our wonderful life in the future. But some time afterward, he broke his promise. He gambled away more than two million kyats, and the creditor ordered him to repay the debt within twenty days, or he would cut off one of his arm. I was very angry because he let me down again. However, what is done is done. I had no choice but to help him pay off the gambling debts, hoping that he would draw a lesson from it and not take the wrong path again.
My husband lost his job again, and my meager salary alone could hardly support the whole family. In February 2013, on the recommendation of a friend of mine, I went to work in another city for the salary there was higher than that in our local place, leaving my two sons, one four years old and the other only two, at home. It was not easy working away from home, not to mention the pain of being parted with my husband and children, but in order to support the family, I felt the pain and exhaustion I suffered were worth it.
One day, my husband called me and told me that he wanted to study theology. Actually my income at that time was not sufficient for supporting the family and paying his tuition, but while thinking that he had experienced many failures in business, I felt it might be a protection for him if he devoted himself to the work of evangelizing, for it could keep him from the bad social conduct, so I agreed to his request. During the period when my husband studied theology, I counted the days every day, thinking that when he finished his three years study, I would also go back home to reunite with my family.
The seminary was on vacation from March to May in 2014, so I called my husband and asked him to take my two sons to see me. On April 10, I finally saw my husband and children whom I had been pining for for so long, and I was totally immersed in the happiness of family reunion. However, when my children fell asleep that night, my husband told me, “I come here this time mainly for divorcing you.” I was caught unprepared, and he immediately added, “I’m serious. I’ve found the woman I love.” I was overwhelmed with mixed feelings after hearing his words; pain, grievance, and resentment all welled up in my heart. It was a hot summer night, but my hands and feet were as cold as those of the corpse. I pined for a reunion with my family day and night, only to get the betrayal of my husband. Our relationship, which seemed to be stable all these years, changed all of a sudden, making me feel I was dreaming. I lost sleep that night.… In the next few days, I deliberately talked with my husband about our past days, and asked our kids to sing and dance for him and kiss him, trying to let him feel the happiness of family. Nonetheless, half a month later, he still abandoned us and went away resolutely. Seeing his departure, I burst out crying. Throughout these many years, a happy marriage had been my major impetus, but suddenly, I lost it. I was perplexed and helpless and paralyzed completely.
During that period of time, I wished that all the recollections of the past could vanish from my memory, for in that way my anguish would lessen. I feared to hear people speaking of my husband before me. As long as I heard someone mentioning his name, hot blood would pour into my brain. And then my head ached acutely, my face and four limbs became numb, and my breath became rapid, and I felt as if I would break down at any time. This went on for a period of time and my health was declining. To alleviate my pain, I tried to have all my time occupied, so that I would have no time to think of my husband. In spite of this, pain and depression still haunted me like a ghost. Later, I thought that reading famous books might help me alleviate the pain in my heart, so I read more than ten books and over three hundred short essays within several months. However, not only the wound of my heart wasn’t cured, I even became more and more painful. The heavy blow of the breakup of my marriage pierced my heart all the time. I felt as if I was living in hell.
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