How Did a Christian Get Over a Marriage Breakdown?
- Editor’s Note:
Ever since she was little, Shuxing, a Christian, longed for a peaceful, happy family. When she was older, she got her wish when she married an adoring husband, and she then had her wonderful, happy family. Just as she is looking forward to an even happier life, however, she discovers that her husband has a woman on the side and that he has had a child with her. When Shuxing is in great pain, God’s words give her heart the release it needs, and they enable her to leave behind the shadows of her marriage crisis, and she finds a family that is truly happy.
A Wonderful, Happy Marriage
For as long as I can remember, my parents would argue all the time and I would often see my mom crying. At that time, I so longed for a peaceful, happy family. When I grew up, I was determined to find a husband who would be considerate toward me and who could take care of his family, and I hoped for a wonderful, happy marriage.
I met my husband through an introduction by a relative, and we got married and had two daughters together. At that time, we were contracted to run a sand quarry, and my husband worked very hard every day. But as soon as he got home, he would still do things like wash clothes and make dinner. My husband loved me dearly, and he never let me worry or asked me for help in any matter, whether big or small. My neighbors were all envious that I had such a good husband and such a happy family. I was very satisfied and felt I had married a good man, and that I would have someone to support me for the rest of my life. Later on, my husband and a relative went off to start a business, and I managed the sand quarry business at home. Though it was very hard and exhausting, I felt it was worth it, not only to take the pressure off my husband, but also so that our life would get better and better. In this way, with me and my husband working toward the same goal, a year later we bought a house in the city. I then got a job in the city, and we handed the sand quarry over to my husband’s father to manage.
Our life together got better and better and life felt so sweet. I often looked forward to my husband and I spending the rest of our lives like this, loving each other, hand in hand, creating a better life together. Never did I imagine that misfortune was silently making its way toward me …
An Unknown Woman’s Call
One day, my husband said that his business was not doing well and that he wanted to open a restaurant in Shanghai with a friend. I agreed to this and gave him 20 thousand yuan. After that, my husband stopped sending money back home and, every time he came home, he would groan and sigh, saying how the restaurant business was not going so well. I would comfort him and tell him not to worry so much, and would give him money so he would have enough for his business to keep going. Despite this, my husband was no longer as optimistic as he had once been, and sometimes he would deliberately avoid me when he answered the phone. And yet I didn’t think much about this unusual behavior, thinking that he must be under a lot of pressure and didn’t want me to worry!
One day during the summer holidays, my husband came back home from Shanghai and bought me and our daughters some clothes. I was really happy. I thought that it must have been difficult for my husband to spare this time to visit us and so we should make the most of our time together, but he said that he had business to attend to that afternoon, and he went off by himself. Though I felt a little disappointed, I thought that my husband was so busy for our family’s sake, and I didn’t take it to heart.
That evening, our home phone rang, and I answered it. A young woman asked for my husband by name, and then said aggressively that she and my husband had been living together in Shanghai and that they had an eight-month-old son … When I heard this, I suddenly felt stunned and my mind went blank. In my heart, I was yelling over and over: “That’s not possible, that’s not possible. My husband would never betray me and do something like that! He loves me so much, how could he betray me? It’s not possible!” But the young woman spoke so surely, and I thought of my husband’s unusual behavior—could what she was saying be true? How could this happen? I wanted to cry but the tears wouldn’t come and, in order to get to the bottom of it all, I immediately called my husband and told him to come home.
When I asked my husband about it, however, he surprised me by crying, and he said to me, “I’m sorry. Please give me another chance….” Those two words “I’m sorry” were in that moment like an icy knife plunging into my heart. I felt as though my heart had been ripped apart. It hurt so much…. Everything I’d done over the past few years was so that I could have a happy family. Never did I think that all I’d get in return would be my husband’s betrayal! I endured the pain in my heart and, crying, I asked him how he could do that to me. Choking with sobs, he said that he couldn’t stand the loneliness of working away from home and, when he saw that so many of his work colleagues had women on the side, he couldn’t resist the temptation anymore and…. In that instant, the first thing that entered my mind was divorce. But seeing my husband feeling so remorseful and beating himself up about it, I hesitated. If I really did divorce him, then my family would be broken up, and our daughters would also suffer…. I was in unendurable pain, as though a knife had carved up my heart, and I kept crying out over and over: “God, what am I to do?”
I considered it for a long while. In the end, so that our daughters would not grow up in a broken family, I chose to forgive my husband. I asked him to go to Shanghai to sell the restaurant and then come back home. He promised faithfully that he would. I never thought that, once my husband had got back to Shanghai, he would send me a message that made me fall to pieces in despair: “I really have no other choice. I have to wrong you….” After reading his message, I was momentarily dumbfounded. I thought of how he had apologized so sincerely and made such faithful promises to my face, but it had all been lies to deceive me. My heart felt like it had fallen into a pit of ice, and I felt so bitterly disappointed …
Seeing my family that had been so happy break up, and all the happiness I’d had come to nothing, I lay on my bed and burst into tears. I thought of how, since my husband had gone to Shanghai to open his restaurant, he had always said that he couldn’t make any money because the competition was so fierce, and I had believed every word and given him all the money I’d worked so hard to earn. Never did I imagine that he was keeping another woman there, and I just couldn’t understand how he could do that to me. What on earth had I done wrong? During that time, I spent every day in tears. I couldn’t eat or sleep, and I completely lost my purpose and direction in life, and I felt such pain and confusion. When I would see the families chatting and laughing as they walked together every time I finished work, or hear the happy voices of my neighbors, I would get very upset. Sometimes, I would feel such pain that I really wanted to take revenge on my husband and his new woman, and then end my own life. But when I thought of my two young daughters and my elderly parents, I couldn’t bring myself to abandon them. All I could do was languish in pain, and every day of my life felt like a year.
God’s Words Melted My Frozen Heart
Just when I was suffering the most, my colleague bore witness to God’s salvation in the last days for me. I read God’s words: “The Almighty has mercy on these people who have suffered deeply; at the same time, He is fed up with these people who lack consciousness, as He has had to wait too long for an answer from humanity. He wishes to seek, to seek your heart and your spirit, to bring you water and food and to awaken you, that you may no longer be thirsty and hungry. When you are weary and when you begin to feel something of the bleak desolation of this world, do not be lost, do not cry. Almighty God, the Watcher, will embrace your arrival at any time. He is keeping watch by your side, waiting for you to turn back around. He is waiting for the day you suddenly recover your memory: when you realize that you came from God, that, at some unknown time you lost your direction, at some unknown time you lost consciousness on the road, and at some unknown time acquired a ‘father’; when you realize, furthermore, that the Almighty has always been keeping watch, waiting there a very, very long time for your return” (“The Sighing of the Almighty”). Faced with such heartfelt words of God, my tears fell like rain, and all the pain and restrained emotion that had built up for such a long time melted into my tears and flowed freely away. Before, I had always regarded my husband as my only support, and regarded having a wonderful, happy family as the purpose of my life. After my husband betrayed me and left, my heart felt like it had been emptied and then set adrift, and I lost my purpose in life and lived in pain without any idea of what to do next. And yet God had always been there beside me, watching over me. God knew the pain and confusion I felt and, just as I was at my most helplessness, He led me before Him, He used His words to comfort my wounded heart, and made me see the light in the darkness. God’s words warmed my heart, they gave me the courage to live on, and they made me understand that only God can be our support. God is waiting for us to return to His house and, with God beside me, I thought, I shall not be alone. From then on, I actively took part in church life, and frequently sang hymns, prayed and read God’s words with my brothers and sisters. We fellowshiped about the truth together, helping each other and treating each other with sincerity. I felt a kind of peace and joy I never experienced before.
God’s Words Dissolved the Hatred in My Heart
After I started to believe in God, my spirits and my appearance improved dramatically. But every night, when all was quiet, I would look at the things my husband had left behind, and I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about every little thing I ever did for my husband. I thought of how my husband had deceived and betrayed me and I would feel heart-wrenching pain. Against my will, I became filled with hatred, so much so that I considered taking revenge on them. And yet I knew that, even if I won in the end, I would cause great damage to both parties and would cause even more people to live in pain. But I just couldn’t let go of my hatred for my husband, and all I could do in my pain was come before God and pray, asking Him to help me come through the darkness of this pain.
Later, I read in the word of God: “These trends arise one after another, and they all carry an evil influence that continually debases mankind, causing people to lose conscience, humanity and reason, weakening their morals and their quality of character ever more, to the extent that we can even say that the majority of people now have no integrity, no humanity, and neither do they have any conscience, much less any reason. So what are these trends? They are trends that you cannot see with the naked eye. When a new trend sweeps through the world, perhaps only a small number of people are on the cutting edge, acting as the trendsetters. They start off doing some new thing, then accepting some kind of idea or some kind of perspective. The majority of people, however, will be continually infected, assimilated, and attracted by this kind of trend in a state of unawareness, until they all unknowingly and involuntarily accept it and become submerged in it and controlled by it. One after another, such trends cause people, who are not of sound body and mind, do not know what the truth is, and cannot differentiate between positive and negative things, to happily accept them as well as the life views and values that come from Satan. They accept what Satan tells them about how to approach life and the way to live that Satan ‘bestows’ on them, and they have neither the strength nor the ability, much less the awareness, to resist” (“God Himself, the Unique VI”). As I contemplated God’s words, I came to understand that my husband’s betrayal and my pain were caused by the evil trends of Satan. Nowadays, the whole world is getting worse and worse by the day. People are all admiring evil and becoming more and more corrupt, mocking the poor yet accepting prostitutes, and elevating negative things as if they are positive. Just like the evil views of Satan of “Having a wife or husband at home but also taking a lover,” and “Without a mistress, a man has no zest for life; without a lover, a woman is no better than a sow.” Views like these have flooded society and have already permeated into the heart of every person, corroding our thoughts and distorting many people’s opinions on things. People all think that “keeping a lover,” “keeping a mistress,” “having an affair,” and “one-night stands” are the norm, they live in a huge cauldron of promiscuity and wickedness, they gratify their physical lusts and greedily enjoy sinful pleasures. No one talks about the faithfulness of marriage or familial responsibilities anymore, and people have no morals or shame anymore. People heed only the satisfaction of their own physical desires and pay no attention whatsoever to how their families feel, they become more and more wicked and depraved, and they get more and more selfish and greedy. Who knows how many families have broken up and become scattered for this reason? How many people live in inescapable pain to the point where, because they can’t stand their partner’s betrayal, they end their own lives? How many people, because they are filled with hatred, wantonly take revenge on their partner, thus ensuing a tragedy without end? I thought of how my husband had shown me consideration in every conceivable way, of how we had loved each other and been kind to each other and had had a wonderful, happy family. But after he started working away from home, he saw so many of his work colleagues and friends having affairs and so, unknowingly, he was influenced and affected by evil trends. He followed this evil trend and began to keep a mistress, he had a child with her, completely heedless of my feelings or our daughters’ feelings, but instead he just lied to me and deceived me again and again, and he lost the conscience and humanity a human being should possess. All of this was the bitter fruit and the misfortune that evil trends bring to man! We humans are without the truth, cannot distinguish the evil trends of Satan, and do not know what is good and what is evil, involuntarily being tempted and corrupted by evil trends and played and harmed by Satan. Once I’d understood these things, I realized that my husband had not understood the truth and had been unable to see through Satan’s trickery. He had followed the evil trend and betrayed me involuntarily. At that time, I came to understand his betrayal a little, and I no longer hated him as much.
Afterward, I prayed to God. I no longer wanted to be caught up in this matter that was causing me to live in such pain, and instead I wished to read God’s words in earnest and pursue the truth. Later, I began to perform my hosting duty in the church, and lived a church life and worshiped God with sisters. In my heart I felt considerable release and a smile came back to my face.
God’s Words Led Me to Overcome Satan’s Trickery
One day, the wife of my husband’s younger brother visited my home and said that my husband and his new woman had come back to our home town with their son. His new woman was dressed head to toe in famous labels and wore a lot of gold and silver jewelry, and she told me that I should make sure I looked nice at all times…. When I heard her say this, I felt very upset. I thought of how my husband and I had always been thrifty and frugal when we’d lived together and had never spent money needlessly. Now he was completely the opposite and he was spending all his money on his new woman. I felt very distressed and I wept, overcome by my feelings. My sister-in-law comforted me and said, “To be honest, I can’t bear the sight of them. I think you and he make a better match. If you accused him of bigamy, his new woman would leave, and he would come back to you….” I was a little swayed by what she said, and I thought, “If I did that, my husband would come back to me, and our children’s family would be whole again.” But then I thought, “If I really did accuse him of bigamy, it would not only hurt us both, but would also have a big impact on our daughters. What should I do?” At that moment, I felt an overwhelming pain in my heart. I realized that my situation wasn’t right, so I immediately called out to God asking Him to keep my heart calm and guide me. Afterward, I thought of a passage of God’s words: “You must be awake and waiting at all times, and you must pray before Me more. You must recognize the various plots and cunning schemes of Satan” (“Chapter 17” of Utterances of Christ in the Beginning). God’s words gave me a rude awakening and I realized that a test from Satan was upon me. My sister-in-law was telling me to dress nicely and accuse my husband of bigamy. On the surface, it all appeared to be in my best interest, so that my husband would come back to me once again. But upon careful thought, the essence of these actions was to act by the satanic and poisonous idea of “If you’re not kind, I won’t be just!” If I lived in my corrupt disposition and took revenge on my husband, it would hurt the family he had now and would make him hate me. Satan was trying to trick me, to make me and my husband attack and hurt each other, so that we would live in pain without any respite. Actually, since my husband had already chosen the other woman over me, it showed that he had no feelings for me anymore. Even if I could wrest him back with some underhanded means, all I would get would be him, and not his heart, and what would be the meaning of such a marriage devoid of feelings? Wouldn’t that just cause me even more pain?
At this time, I thought about another passage of God’s words: “Why does a husband love his wife? Why does a wife love her husband? Why are children dutiful to their parents? Why do parents dote on their children? What sorts of intentions do people actually harbor? Is their intent not to satisfy their own plans and selfish desires?” (“God and Man Will Enter Into Rest Together”). From God’s words, I came to understand that humans are selfish. Whether it’s the husband who loves his wife or the wife who loves her husband, we all do it to satisfy our own selfish desires, and we all use each other—this is not true love. I thought of how I had been good to my husband only so that he would be good to me, be considerate to me and care for me. While my husband had cared about me and adored me and had been able to satisfy my every wish, I had been happy; when my husband betrayed me, I had lived in pain, thinking that my husband had been unworthy of all I had done for his sake, and so I hated him; when I heard that my husband was living happily with his new woman, I felt jealous and upset, I wanted to do what my sister-in-law suggested and accuse him of bigamy and not let him have everything his own way. I even wanted him to go to prison, and to use that threat as a way of getting him to change his mind and come back to me. I saw that I was being so selfish, despicable and malicious, and everything I was doing was actually to satisfy my own desires.
As I contemplated God’s words, my heart gradually began to brighten, and I knew what I had to do. So I said to my sister-in-law, “Seeing as they have a child together, if I really do sue him it won’t do anyone any good. If they’re living happily, then I give them my blessing.” When she heard me say this, she looked at me in astonishment, and couldn’t find anything else to say. After she’d left, I said a prayer of gratitude to God and I saw how real the situation was that God had arranged for me. Faced with Satan’s trickery, had it not been for the leadership and guidance of God’s words, I would definitely have fallen back into a life of pain and would have been at a loss, so much so that I would have fallen into Satan’s cunning plan and would have done things at odds with God’s will. I would have caused both our families to live within the trickeries of Satan in unendurable pain—I thanked God so much for His guidance!
I Have a Truly Happy and Peaceful Family
Later, I read in the word of God: “Only through God can you know the meaning of life; only through God can you live out real humanity and both possess and know the truth. Only through God can you obtain life from the truth. Only God Himself can help you shun evil and deliver you from the harm and control of Satan. Besides God, no one and nothing can save you from the sea of suffering so that you suffer no longer. This is determined by the essence of God. Only God Himself saves you so selflessly; only God is ultimately responsible for your future, for your destiny and for your life, and He arranges all things for you” (“God Himself, the Unique VI”). As I contemplated God’s words, I was deeply moved. Thinking of the path I had walked, God’s love was always with me and guided me. After my husband betrayed me, I lived in pain and lost all hope for life. I could no longer feel any joy in living, and if God had not saved me, I would always have lived in pain without the strength to free myself, I would have had no direction or purpose in life, and I would have muddled along aimlessly through life like a walking corpse. God’s words enabled me to understand the truth of man’s corruption by Satan and to see the corruption and harm caused us by Satan’s evil trends, and they enabled me to let go of my hatred toward my husband. When Satan used my sister-in-law to tempt me, wanting me to follow my malicious thoughts and take revenge on my husband, it was the enlightenment and guidance of God’s words that allowed me to discern Satan’s trickery, and to understand thoroughly that there is no true affection or love between people, and that we all just use each other, and so I would no longer strive to seek such things. All this made me truly feel that God was beside me, leading me and guiding me with His words, enabling me to leave my pain behind and cast off Satan’s harm. God’s love for me was so real! At the same time, I came to understand through self-reflection that, ever since I married my husband, I regarded him as my only support and believed that he could give me a wonderful, happy life. Only after experiencing this pain did I come to appreciate that my husband was merely a human being who had been corrupted by Satan, and that he himself was living in Satan’s corruption, and I simply could not rely on him. Only God is my support, and only by coming before God, experiencing God’s work, understanding the truth and living under His guidance can I obtain true happiness.
From that time on, I completely left all the pain of my husband’s betrayal behind. Now I live in a big family, filled with God’s love. Every day I read God’s words, pursue the truth and fulfill the duty of a created being, and I feel so peaceful and at ease. What’s more, within the church, my brothers and sisters and I love each other and support each other like a real family. Even if estrangement and prejudices arise, we can be completely open with each other and fellowship about the truth to resolve our problems. This really is the truly happy and peaceful family that I’d always wanted! Thank God! I will diligently pursue the truth and fulfill the duty of a creature to repay God’s love!