A disease made my marriage go in another way. In God’s words, I understand why I couldn’t control my marriage and I no longer hold the point of view “I’ll determine my marriage.”
God’s Words Brought Me out of My Marriage Risk – Spiritual Awakening
By Xiang Qin
I’m an ordinary girl, and I will be content if I can live a happy and romantic life after marriage. However, my married life is quite different from what I thought. Like the others, I have to face the troubles in my life. Fortunately, God’s appearance helped me solve the problems in my marriage …
My marriage is like this: I married over from another place. Without any relatives around me, my husband is the only person close to me. Before long, I was pregnant. At first he cared for me by every means, and every day, he returned home from work on time, had dinner and went shopping with me, and took a walk with me in the evening. I felt I was so lucky to marry him, really hoping for years of stability and that we would be happy all our life in this way …
But problems always arise in life. Once my husband’s friend called to invite him to dinner. Seeing him wash his hair and change clothes, I said to him with great expectation, “I want to go with you.” He glanced at me and said, “All are men; what will you do there?” “I’m alone at home every day, with no place to go. I’m bored to death,” I murmured. He said impatiently, “Go if you want to!” I saw he was unhappy, but I was so bored that I wanted to go out for a change of air. So I gladly dressed up and opened the door, saying, “Let’s go!” However, he said angrily, “You go alone. I don’t want to.” I understood that he just didn’t want to take me. So I said in injured tones, “You go alone. I don’t want to.”
He went out, leaving me alone at home. Sitting on the bed, I was very upset. I kept on asking myself: Why didn’t he take me to dinner? I looked at myself in the mirror, thinking: I’m not gorgeous, but pretty enough! Am I too lousy to be taken out? … At this thought, I was very sad, crying louder and louder. If he loves me, why doesn’t he take me out to meet his friends, keeping me staying at home all the time? Could it be that he …
Watching the clock on the wall ticking round and round, I felt the time seemed to stop. I wanted him back earlier so I called him, “What time will you come home?” He said, “I’ll be back in half an hour.” I hung up, disappointed. Half an hour later, I phoned him again, “Why haven’t you come home yet?” He answered, “I’ll be back in a while.” Another hour passed, and I called him once more. He told me, “You go to sleep.” I tossed and turned in bed, with various scenes running through my head, imagining whether some other woman was now in his arms…. My tears wet the pillow, and I asked helplessly over and over again in my heart: What should I do? What should I do? Till two in the morning, he finally came home, still talking on the phone and saying, “I’m home. Good night!” My eyes closed and my face toward the wall, I felt terrible …
During the following days, I found that he answered the phone in the corridor, sent messages in the bathroom, and often came home after midnight. Sometimes, when noticing that he didn’t exit the cell phone WeChat in time, I secretly checked his chat log on Wechat, QQ messages and the address book, but I found that he had already deleted the logs.
Thus, I spent every day speculating, doubting, and peeping, worrying about being discovered and more about his betrayal. I didn’t know why the former peaceful and happy life had been gone just like this. Before the baby is born, we have grown apart. Then how should I continue to have my long married life in future? I even wanted to abort the baby and divorce him, but I had no courage. I searched on the Internet for others’ solutions to such problems, but I couldn’t get any answer.
Just as I was worried about and afraid of my future marriage life, my mother-in-law’s words occurred to me, “If you have something that upsets you, just read these books of truth. They areand will be very helpful to you.” I opened the drawer, took up a book of God’s words, and read these two passages: “though there are millions of marriages in the world, every one is different: How many marriages are unsatisfactory, how many are happy; how many span East and West, how many North and South; how many are perfect matches, how many are of equal rank; how many are happy and harmonious, how many painful and sorrowful; how many are the envy of others, how many are misunderstood and frowned upon; how many are full of joy, how many are awash of tears and cause despair…. In these myriad marriages, humans reveal loyalty and lifelong commitment toward marriage, or love, attachment, and inseparability, or resignation and incomprehension, or betrayal of it, even hatred. Whether marriage itself brings happiness or pain, everyone’s mission in marriage is predestined by the and will not change; everyone must fulfill it. And the individual fate that lies behind every marriage is unchanging; it was determined long in advance by the Creator.” “Your temperament, caliber, appearance, stature, family in which you were born, your job and your marriage, the entirety of you, even the color of your hair and your skin, and the time of your birth were all arranged by My hands. Even the things you do and the people you meet every single day are arranged by My hands, not to mention the fact that bringing you into My presence today is actually My arrangement. Do not throw yourself into disorder; you should proceed calmly.”
Having read these words of God, I realized that marriage is ruled and arranged by God. No matter how I make an effort to protect my marriage, or how I am afraid of losing my husband, it can’t be controlled by myself. During this time, as I suspected my husband had done anything that wasn’t right, I wore a saddened look on my face all day long. When he spoke to me, I gave him the cold shoulder. I often quarreled with him because of trifles, but it couldn’t solve anything afterward, and instead drifted us apart farther and farther. Thinking of this I began to place my hopes on God, and prayed to Him in my heart: “God! What should I do? I know everything is ruled and arranged in Your hands, and man can’t change anything. I want to lay down my suspicions, and to improve my relationship with my husband. May You help me.”
I started to look for answers in God’s words. One day, I read such a sentence: “I very much appreciate those who harbor no suspicion about others and very much like those who readily accept the truth; to these two kinds of men I show great care, for in My eyes they are the honest.” From God’s words, I understood that God likes the honest people, who have no defense, suspicion, and misunderstanding in their conduct and dealings with others, and who can accept and practice God’s requirements after understanding, and that such people will get His care and keeping. Comparing God’s words, I realized I was a cunning person in God’s eyes and He didn’t like me, for I always suspected my husband. Without His care and keeping, I sunk into pain and my life became a mess.
Under the guidance of God’s words, I began to adjust my state of mind by relying on God. At meals, when my husband went to the corridor to answer the telephone, I again began to worry whether a woman was calling him. At this time, I remembered God’s words and pondered: God hates those who always suspect others, because they are cunning people. He likes the simple and honest people without suspicion to others. I shouldn’t suspect any more. It is too tired to be so suspicious! And it will only make both of us unhappy. What’s more, only God knows the facts, all are ruled by Him, and I can change nothing. Only by doing according to God’s words, can I gain His care. In the following days, I treated my husband with such mentality, and I felt relaxed and assured a lot in my mind, as if having removed a heavy burden. For the first time, I realized thatseemed easy, but actually was so marvelous! Thus, I was more confident in God, and more and more liked reading His words.
Afterward, in a meeting with several sisters, I told them the ache of my heart. Then a sister found a passage of God’s words for me: “What is the cause of this pain? Is it because of God’s sovereignty, or because a person was born unlucky? Obviously neither is true. At bottom, it is because of the paths people take, the ways people choose to live their lives. Some people may not have realized these things. But when you truly know, when you truly come to recognize that God has sovereignty over human fate, when you truly understand that everything God has planned for and decided for you is a great benefit, and is a great protection, then you feel your pain gradually lighten, and the whole of you become relaxed, free, liberated.” The sister fellowshiped, “In the face of the problems arising in the marriage, we always want to control everything by ourselves, worrying about husband’s betrayal, but afraid of being discovered, so we are always suspicious in our lives. Aren’t all these pains brought by the ways we choose to live our lives? God rules all things, and every creature is in His hands. Only when we place everything fully in His hands and submit to His sovereignty and control, will we become free and liberated, and the pain in our lives will lighten.”
After hearing the sister’s fellowship, I suddenly felt enlightened, as if I had stepped out of the mist and seen the sun. So it is. I always suspect that my husband would cease to be faithful to me, and I even grieve for this, feeling anxious. Aren’t I, at bottom, afraid that he doesn’t love me anymore and that I will lose him? Actually all these can’t be controlled by me. If today I didn’t read God’s words and listen to such fellowship, I would still live in pain and be unable to extricate myself. Thanks God so much! God is the Creator and rules over everything, so I should submit to His sovereignty, not living in my own inner world, but living before God and paying attention to drawing close to Him. In this way, I can receive His blessings and help.
From then on, I started to take part in the church activities positively and make efforts to fulfill my duty. Under the daily guidance of God’s words, I didn’t want to control my husband by my own means any more, but obeyed God’s arrangement. Once when my husband went to the bathroom, leaving his cell phone on the sofa, I didn’t suspect him and peep at the message in his phone like before. When it was late at night before he came home, I didn’t call him. It was all right for him to be back at any time. I slept and ate according to my regular routine. When my husband spoke to me, I answered honestly. As I focused on doing according to God’s words and living before Him, unexpectedly my heart was full of peace and stability.
Wonderfully, when I practiced according to God’s words, my life took a favorable turn. My husband started to care for me, and treated me better than before. One morning, he said to me curiously: “You used to keep a close watch on me all day, and quarreled with me when I came back late. But now you don’t quarrel with me even if I’m late, and you also don’t control me. I see you are glad all day, having no troubles. You seem to be a different person from before. Why have you changed so much? Tell me what’s this all about….” Hearing this, I only wanted to say to God: “Thanks God. Thank You for Your care for me. Thank You even more for the help that Your words have brought to me….”
With the help of God, my marriage was miraculously out of danger. Life is going on. Though I have difficulties every day, all of them can be easily solved under the guidance of God’s words.
Dear brothers and sisters, if you have any understanding or enlightenment from God, welcome to share with us via:1. The online chat window at the bottom of the website. 2. Send an email to [email protected].We sincerely hope we’ll grow spiritually through sharing with each other.