A disease made my marriage go in another way. In God’s words, I understand why I couldn’t control my marriage and I no longer hold the point of view “I’ll determine my marriage.”
After Her Marriage Broke Up …
By Lu Yao, China
Lu Yao had been envious that others could get together with their families to enjoy the sweetness of family since she was young. When she was four years old, her father often fought and quarreled with her mother, and under the pressure of livelihood, her father went out to work. Afterward, her father came back less and less, and also rarely sent back money to the family. Even if her father occasionally came back, he always quarreled with her mother. Whenever that happened, Lu Yao was too scared to fall asleep. At that time, the fact that her father had an affair outside spread wildly in the village. When Lu Yao was on her way, she could hear the voice of sarcasm: “Do you know your father finds a new mother for you? He has another family outside. Do you want to go to the new family? If you see that woman, will you call her mama?” Hearing the villagers’ intentional ridicule, the young girl was in extreme pain. She wanted to dispute but she didn’t dare. When Lu Yao saw her playmates act like a spoiled child in their fathers’ arms and happily eat together with their families, and when she thought her father discarded her and her mother, she was in great pain. All of this brought into her heart a great shadow. At that time, she often shed tears alone under the covers at mid-night.
Growing up in such an environment, Lu Yao had been desired to own a happy family when she grew up. When Lu Yao was at school, she often was attracted by the perfect marriage between the heroes and heroines in books or TV plays, so she pinned her hope on her future marriage. After stepping into the society, Lu Yao bumped into a boy during work. The boy fell for her at first sight. Later, he persistently wooed her, and then she accepted him. At the time, they often chatted till late into the night, with endless words to say. In Lu Yao’s life, as long as she was unhappy, the boy would try all kinds of ways to cheer her up, and he often gave her much surprise. Once, Lu Yao lost her phone. The boy couldn’t contact her and as a result, he was too anxious to fall asleep. He stayed up all night to write down how he met, knew, and loved her in the form of journal and published it on his QQ zone, and prepared to ask for a leave the next day to go to the city where she was and look for her.
Lu Yao’s heart was deeply touched by the boy’s actions and the beautiful journal in the QQ zone. Seeing the boy was so affected, his friends all left messages to ask what kind of the heroine was. When seeing all these, Lu Yao felt she was the happiest. Later on, Lu Yao was surprised to find the boy had a similar growing-up environment like her, which made her even confirm that the boy exactly was the person whom she would marry to, for she believed that with the similar growing-up experience, they would both particularly cherish their marriage, and that their life in the future would be much happier. After that, Lu Yao secretly moved to the city where the boy was without telling her families. The boy was very moved, and was so kind to her. In Lu Yao’s heart, the boy was the one she could rely on, and she was full of expectation for their marriage. Even though her friends tried to persuade her that the boy didn’t deserve her, and that she should find someone with a better background, yet she thought that a marriage based on the materials didn’t have a common language and a foundation of affections, which would not last long and would not be happy. And so, Lu Yao reasonably married to the boy.
After they married, Lu Yao tasted that living a life was different from being in love and brought her some more vexations and responsibilities, but she thought that as long as they loved and tolerated each other, such a family still was happy even if their life was a little bitter and tiring. Lu Yao put all her energy on her husband and her child, and was kind to her husband’s families. Her parents-in-law also loved her very much. Even though they lived under the same roof, they got along well with each other. People around them all envied their family.
Just when Lu Yao was swimming in the bliss, she accidently saw her husband’s chat record with his friend. His friend said, “You really can’t go on having affair with that woman, or your family will break up, and you will lose everything.” Her husband answered, “I don’t care about the outcome. I just want to enjoy the process.” The news of her husband’s affair befell her like a bolt from the blue. She immediately fell to the lowest. Her husband’s words like needles struck into her heart. She couldn’t believe it, but the pain told her that she wasn’t dreaming. What was most laughable to Lu Yao was: Two months before, one friend’s marriage ended in divorce because her husband had an affair, and they turned into strangers from previous couple. When Lu Yao comforted the friend, she sighed with emotion that she found a husband who loved her. But now, Lu Yao felt like being given a heavy slap on the face by the reality.
Her child was sleeping sweetly by her side. Lu Yao saw the baby’s pink face and told herself: I am no longer a young girl, but a mother; I have to be strong, because I have a baby to take care of. Lu Yao struggled to restrain her body from shaking, dried her tears, and calmed herself down. However, she had been damaged by the excessive anger. She should have had enough breast milk to feed the baby, but it went empty in several hours. The poor baby got hungry and cried loudly because it couldn’t suck out milk. The mother-in-law standing aside felt so heart-broken that she shed tears.
During this period, Lu Yao had been doing a lot of thinking. She thought she had paid too much for her marriage. She didn’t want to lose it, nor did she want her child to repeat her experience of childhood. She wanted to ask that woman out and tried to persuade her to stop their affair, so as to save her broken marriage. Therefore, Lu Yao followed her husband secretly, but unexpectedly, she was found by him. Just at the moment, her husband’s phone rang, and it was from the woman. Lu Yao wrested the phone intending to ask her out, but there was no response. Lu Yao was so angry that she scolded the woman for shamelessly breaking others’ family. Her husband was very cross with her and even wanted to hit her. Lu Yao never thought her husband could treat her in that way because of that woman. At the point, she realized that their marriage had reached its end.
After that, Lu Yao lost weight sharply, and her idea of living on became weaker and weaker. It was her husband who fulfilled her dream of having a happy family, but now all of this vanished into the void. Her husband’s infidelity brought her a big blow. She once wanted to die to get rid of the pain, but when she thought of her aged parents and her sucking baby, she hesitated. She was afraid that if she died, could her parents bear the grievous news? And what about her child? When thinking of these, she had a pain in the chest. Without a choice, she had to live from day to day. Since then, in Lu Yao’s eyes, the sky became grey, and everything became cold. Lu Yao often thought in the deep night: I only want a happy family, but why is it so hard to get it? It is like a dream that can never be fulfilled. …
Seeing Lu Yao was so unhappy, Lu Yao’s mother talked to her: “My child, you should readand tell God your pain, because only God can help you.” Lu Yao also felt that no one was able to help her, even those of her relatives, friends who had long been close to her could not help her. They just came to comfort her when hearing the bad news, but their comfort was mixed with ridicule and some even added fuel to the flame, which brought her a greater pain. So, Lu Yao tried to say the words within her heart to God. Every time after she talked to God, she felt released in her heart for a while, and also felt that there was a power supporting her to face the future life. Lu Yao knew that although she couldn’t see God, she could feel God comforted her inner sorrow and pain by His warm hand. Gradually, God became the reliance in Lu Yao’s heart. Reading God’s word and praying to God every day also became an indispensable thing in her life. She also attended meetings with brothers and sisters, and smiles began to appear on her face.
When Lu Yao listened to a hymn of God’s word: “When you are weary and when you begin to feel the desolation of this world, do not be perplexed, do not cry., the Watcher, will embrace your arrival any time. He is watching by your side, waiting for you to turn back. He is waiting for the day your memory suddenly recovers: becoming conscious of the fact that you came from God, somehow and somewhere once lost, falling unconscious on the roadside, and then, unknowingly having a father. You further realize that the Almighty has been watching there, awaiting your return all along.” Lu Yao was so touched by God’s word that her face was bathed in tears. She felt her hurt soul finally had a place to rest. It turns out that God has always been waiting for her returning before God, and that only God is truly worthy of her reliance. When she was in the most pain and was in the lowest of her life, God’s came upon her. It was God who consoled her painful and sad heart, and gave her courage to face life. It was God who has cared for and had mercy on her all the time. It was that let her hurt heart feel warm. She was more willing to trust in God.
Once, Lu Yao saw God’s word says, “Adam and Eve created by God in the beginning were holy people, which is to say, whilst in the Garden of Eden they were holy, untainted with filth. They were also faithful to Jehovah, and knew nothing of the betrayal of Jehovah. This is because they were without the disturbance of the influence of Satan, were without Satan’s poison, and were the purest of all mankind. They lived in the Garden of Eden, undefiled by any filth, unpossessed by the flesh, and in reverence of Jehovah. Later, when they were tempted by Satan, they had the poison of the serpent, and the desire to betray Jehovah, and they lived under the influence of Satan. In the beginning, they were holy and revered Jehovah; only like this were they human. Later on, after they were tempted by Satan, they ate the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, and lived under the influence of Satan. They were gradually corrupted by Satan, and lost the original image of man. In the beginning, man had the breath of Jehovah, and was not the slightest bit disobedient, and had no evil in his heart. At that time, man was truly human.” “Man has been corrupted too deeply by Satan. Satan’s venom flows through the blood of every person, and man’s nature is visibly corrupt, evil, and reactionary, filled by and immersed in the philosophies of Satan.”
From, Lu Yao understood that the people in the beginning were not corrupted by Satan and that they had no poison of Satan in their heart. People of nowadays have been corrupted by Satan, and they all live in Satan’s domain and are manipulated by Satan. Because of accepting words of Satan, people are unable to distinguish between black and white, right and wrong, and justice and injustice, so that they become more and more depraved, and that the society also becomes increasingly evil and licentious. She thought of her husband. Because of accepting the sayings of Satan such as “It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all,” “Prostitution is better than poverty,” he lost his humanity and conscience, and became cold and ruthless. When he started to seek indulgence of the flesh and lust, he ignored advice of his friends, turned a deaf ear to her dissuasion, and didn’t think about his child, but rather built his joy on the suffering of his family. She also thought: Nowadays, under the influence of the social trends such as “Keeping ‘the red flag’ (wife) standing in the house, with ‘colorful flags’ (mistress) fluttering outside,” “A man’s life is meaningless without a mistress,” and “A woman’s life is empty without a lover,” countless people have changed their thoughts—regarding extramarital affair that violates standards of morality and ethics as normal. They are not only not ashamed of it but actively to fit it, and dignify it with the name of capability, fashion, and trend. In order to meet their fleshly lust, they ignored their families and children, causing many families to break up and even be ruined. The same tragedy that happened to her is repeating in countless families. After understanding these, Lu Yao was free of pain brought by her husband’s infidelity, because she knew that all the pain was brought by Satan and that her husband was also a victim. He was affected by the social trends, so he changed from thoughtfully caring for her to completely ignoring her feeling, even to the point that he wanted to hit her for the sake of that woman. All of this was the result of being poisoned by evil trends.
Afterward, Lu Yao saw God’s word says, “At the moment when a person is born, one lonely soul begins its experience of life on earth, its experience of the’s authority which the Creator has arranged for it. Needless to say, for the person, the soul, this is an excellent opportunity to gain knowledge of the Creator’s sovereignty, to come to know His authority and to experience it personally. … If one views life as an opportunity to experience the Creator’s sovereignty and come to know His authority, if one sees one’s life as a rare chance to perform one’s duty as a created human being and to fulfill one’s mission, then one will necessarily have the correct outlook on life, will live a life blessed and guided by the Creator, will walk in the light of the Creator, know the Creator’s sovereignty, come under His dominion, become a witness to His miraculous deeds and to His authority.”
God’s word is like a lamp, and shows Lu Yao the way ahead. In the past, she didn’t know God, nor did she know the value and meaning of life, so she regarded pursuing a happy family as a goal of her life, and regarded her husband as the only object she could rely on. Before the facts, she experienced that in this world controlled by Satan, even her husband himself was unable to withstand the affection of the social trends. How could he bring her happiness? It was wrong that she committed all happiness of her life to her husband. Lu Yao finally saw clearly that if she didn’t come before God to receive the salvation of God, all her life would be in vain and in pain, and there would be no happiness to speak of. Lu Yao thought of the time when her husband betrayed her, she had lost the confidence in living. If it hadn’t been for God’s protection, she wouldn’t have known whether she could live tenaciously. After understanding these, she became more certain that only by believing in God and pursuing the truth, could she have a true meaningful life, and could she walk out of the impasse of her broken marriage.
After that, Lu Yao began to put God’s word into practice in. From God’s word and her experience, she knew man’s life is in God’s hand. She has learned to commit everything to God and let God rule over and arrange it, and also has learned to discern the positive things and the negative in the disclosing of God’s word. Moreover, she also preaches gospel and performs her duty with brothers and sisters. Gradually, she has a new mental outlook, and seems to have changed into another person. She finally gets rid of the sorrow and pain brought by the breakup of her marriage.
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